When is Enough, Enough?

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” I bet you’ve heard that one. Maybe you’ve even said it yourself.

This very well known line from an old movie became so popular because millions of people related to it. They would internalize how mad they were yet rarely express it until they reached a bursting point. People were saying that line out loud for years after the movie stopped playing in theaters. I remember saying it myself. It sure did relieve some stress.

There is a timeline for anger. People start feeling mad, angry, and upset, and if they don’t do anything about it there comes a time when enough is enough and they just can’t take it anymore.

It goes something like this. You notice that you’re mad, frustrated, and you are just not happy anymore. You don’t know what it is, but something is wrong. You try to talk with the person or persons that you feel caused your frustration only to find out that you get into a verbal fight with them. This makes you even angrier because you had high expectations that the other person would apologize and tell you they were wrong and that they would try to be better. Yah, right!

Still feeling mad and frustrated because you don’t have closure on the topic, they go on their merry way and you leave even angrier. The day and evening goes on and your head is spinning thinking about how mad and angry you are.

It’s now time for bed and guess what? Yep, you toss and turn for hours not being able to get those thoughts out of your head. Before you know it, it’s time to get up and start another day. But how can you start the day fresh and clear headed when you are still struggling with what happened yesterday?

You can’t. You are not starting the day refreshed and clear headed. You appear to be even angrier and to make things worse somehow you quickly happen across someone else who makes you mad which only increases your anger.

How do I know this? I know because it happened to me over and over again. I was mad, angry and frustrated for years. I was mad and angry with my wife, my children, and my siblings. I even started disliking going to work.

See if you can relate to this. I’d wake up in the morning feeling mad and angry. Then as I’m driving to work I hear myself say, “I don’t want to work today. I hate what I do. It stresses me out more than I am already.”

I felt trapped! I didn’t want to be at home and I didn’t want to be at work. I found the things I used to love to do were not fun anymore.

When my relationship with my wife reached a breaking point we finally both agreed to seek help. We were recommended to a therapist and so we went. My wife and I were thrilled that we decided to get help. We each were sure in our own minds that the therapist was going to fix the other person. What a joke! She felt I was the problem and I felt she was the problem. That’s a problem in itself.

In the elevator at the end of our fifth session I looked my wife right in the eyes and said, “If we can’t make it with this guy, we can’t make it with anybody.” I was convinced our therapist was the perfect match for us so I added, “If things don’t work out, I will ask for a divorce because I don’t want to live the second half of my life feeling the way I do now.”

I noticed things getting a little better, but it didn’t last. We both went back to our own ways after a week or two. One day I shocked myself when I blurted out to my wife, “I want a divorce!” I was scared. We had been married for 23 years. We built a life together. We had two kids, a home, a close family and wonderful long time friends. I didn’t know what I was stepping into as I was stepping out of my marriage. I just knew I was mad as hell and I wasn’t going to take it anymore. Enough is enough!

There were many things I could have done differently if I had only known then what I know now. Yet, I also know that more people than not would have done things just the way I did. It’s not the most ideal thing to do and I certainly don’t recommend it, but it happens.

My story took place just over 10 years ago. What I committed to way back then has still stuck with me. When I said “I don’t want to live the second half of my life feeling the way I do now,” I suddenly realized it was true. I also knew that if this was going to happen, it was up to me. So, I committed myself to being happy for the rest of my life. It took a lot of work, but I’ve done it.

With what I’ve learned over these past 10 years, my recommendation today is to have a successful mindset and a new perspective toward yourself and your relationships. If I had known that then, it could have saved so much heartache.

I work with people who want to live a happy, fulfilled and successful life. If they are married I help them understand that they do not need to go to the extreme of a divorce. I’ve have seen relationships start turning around when one person is motivated to do the work. To change any relationship, it takes only one committed person who realizes change starts from the inside first. As they take action, the other person responds.

So, if you are “mad as hell” and you aren’t “going to take it anymore,” instead of blowing up, declare what you want and take responsibility for your happiness! Remember, it starts with you.