Surviving Infidelity: Moving Forward

Surviving infidelity, which is one of the most painful betrayals imaginable, may seem like too much to ask when the affair is initially exposed. The trust that a person places in a spouse or partner, particularly after years of being together, is shattered beyond repair. Wronged spouses must focus on putting their own lives back together before deciding whether or not to resume their relationship.

Recovering from infidelity starts with analyzing the reasons why the betrayal happened. Partners have to ask themselves what sorts of holes in the marriage their spouse was trying to fill with their lover. If sexual relations between marital partners had gone cold, for example, then couples will have to build a new sexual identity if they choose to continue their relationship.

Betrayed spouses should let their partners see the full range of their feelings.

Betrayed spouses will feel deep levels of hurt and anger, and their unfaithful spouses should know how deeply they have damaged the innocent party. Rather than quickly accepting an apology and burying their feelings, betrayed spouses must not hesitate to take all of the time that they need to work through their feelings.

All communication with the lover has to cease without exception. Emails, cell phone calls or visits must not be tolerated by the betrayed spouse. If the two parties work together, then the unfaithful spouse should consider getting a new job as a condition of continuing the marital relationship. Any further communication with a lover should be grounds for divorce.

Unfaithful spouses should realize that their privacy is gone. In order to rebuild trust with their spouse, unfaithful spouses will have to allow open access to their cell phone, their financial statements and their email and social media accounts.

Betrayed spouses should not hesitate to ask to install spy software on a computer or mobile phone until full faith and trust are restored.

Betrayed spouses will have to decide whether or not to stay in the relationship. If spouses feel that they can legitimately put together a loving and trusting marriage with the person who betrayed them, then they may want to consider staying in the relationship. If trust has been damaged beyond repair, then spouses should not hesitate to cut off the relationship.

There is no perfect formula for surviving infidelity. Every betrayed spouse must navigate through this painful process in his or her own individual way. Getting help from a licensed marital and family therapist will help couples to work through their issues and to decide whether or not they want to stay together.