How to Handle Negative People

Do you put on your running shoes and make a mad dash? Hide behind your desk? Try to stay clear of them, or avoid them all together?

Do you sometimes find yourself or your mood changing when you are around them? Maybe you become frustrated, impatient, angry, or you try to change their minds or moods with little or no success.

When you are with someone who stirs or fuels your emotions or tests your patience, this very person is offering you an opportunity to look within and a chance to make peace, (befriend) the aspect that is being triggered within you. When you do you, can view and handle things differently than you previously would have.

Do you ignore the opportunity or recognize it?

It’s much easier to see situations as possibilities when we feel good about them, or when things are comfortable, or when there is a sense of ease or little fear.

When we feel on guard, standoffish, or need to prove a point, or peek around corners hoping we don’t run into the person, we are missing out on a great moment to learn something about ourselves, the other person, or the situation at hand.

You can keep avoiding the person/situation, but sooner or later you will be faced with someone negative and there is no time like the present moment to seize the opportunity at hand.

So how do you handle a negative person?

1.See something positive in them, even if it’s the smallest thing. Maybe they have a nice smile, or a great laugh, or are good at their job, or they are creative, etc.. Focus on what you like about them, not what you don’t like. As they are being negative, you can be thinking and remaining positive.

2.Pay attention to what’s happening with you as this is what is trying to get your attention. What are your thoughts and feelings? Do you also become negative? How do you respond to them? How do you change, or do you remain the same? Whatever feeling is arising within you is for you to make peace with and change.

3.As soon as you have a chance, write down any negative thoughts or judgments you are having. Notice what words you are using to describe them. Make a mental note of these as you might find they surface more times than not, and with more than one person. Ask yourself whether what you are saying about the other person holds any truth about you.

4.Practice being mindful and centered by breathing. Sometimes when a person is being non constructive you don’t have to say or do anything; you can focus on your breath. You can imagine that the feelings he/she and/or yourself is feeling are becoming calmer with each and every breath.

5.Be compassionate with yourself. The more understanding and kindness you give to yourself, the more you will be able receive from and give to others. Compassion is not about condoning behaviour, it’s about taking a step back and viewing it differently. You may choose not be around the person who is being negative, but it won’t be because you are hiding, avoiding, or coming from a place of anger or resentment, it will be from a peaceful space within you.

6.Don’t take it personally. We only take things personally when it strikes a cord within us. There is a belief somewhere inside that accepts what they are saying as being true for you. Here is the gift, the opportunity, the person is giving you. It’s up to you to acknowledge and change it.

7.Say thank you. Yes, this might seem a little over the top and you don’t have to say it out loud to the person, although that might be interesting. Give thanks for the person who is showing you more of you. This person is, in a round about way, assisting you in your growth and expansion as a human and spiritual being.

The more you make peace within yourself, the more peaceful people and things will seem.

It may not always be easy to handle negativity in others, but when you take responsibility for your own emotions that are arising, more positivity can occur.

You might be surprised that when you change what you view as negative in the other person may change also.

Remember, you don’t have to be around negative people, but when you are, pay close attention to you, not them.

The Insight Technique assists you by healing your negativity.