How To Get Out Of Your Own Way

The other day, I was at another birthday party for a one-year old. (I didn't realize so many people I know had babies around the time I did.) I start talking with a couple about babies, as the wife is holding my son. I ask if they are ready for one. As the lady says yes, her husband shakes his head no.

I ask, "NO?"

He replies, "I'm scared."

This is the first time I've heard anyone, especially a guy, be so open and honest. When I usually speak to people, even clients, I have to read between the lines and "know" they are scared. I may dig deep, really deep, and then finally they will admit it.

For someone to be so open about his fears is quite refreshing. He talks more about why he is scared and how he doesn't want to throw around a football at 55 years old. It is his mindset, this mental image, that is standing in his way. He's picturing how he will look, act, and behave at 55. He thinks about what 55 means to him, and there is a disconnect between being 55 and throwing around a football with his son. It doesn't have a thing to do with reality. It's what we conjure up in our minds of what life will be like, and that stands in the way of our happiness.

The crazy thing is when we get to that point in our lives, it isn't anything like what we envisioned. It's better, grander, more fulfilling, and more rewarding than anything we could have pictured.

When I found out I was pregnant at 37 and still waiting tables, I didn't want what I thought was about to become my reality. I had no desire to be a single mom or to be pregnant while waiting tables. I couldn't wrap my brain around my stomach getting bigger and bigger and my carrying food out to a table, reaching around people to clear plates, or even greeting a table being pregnant. For that matter, I never saw myself 37 and still waiting tables while trying to get my business off the ground. I envisioned a whole different life for myself and this just wasn't it. I also didn't want a baby to ruin the business I was trying to grow or have to get a regular 9-5 job. I planned life to be one way and THAT certainly wasn't it. Until reality struck.

My baby helped me create another business...a lot more successful business with even more massive potential. Being a single mom is tough. It has it's challenges, but it also has catapulted my life into so many things I would have NEVER envisioned.

That's exactly what I tell the gentleman I am talking to at the party…when you're 55 and throwing a football, you will be so thankful that you're 55 throwing a football. And when your son asks you to throw a football at 65, you'll do it. You may feel your arthritis acting up and a little pain, but you will also say, "I had so much fun, when can we do it again?" Because you will be thankful you're still throwing a football at 65.

He agrees, and his wife says, "Whenever he's in doubt again, I'll make him pick up the phone to call you."

Get out of your own way. Things do not happen the way we think they will in our minds--thankfully. Why do we always think the worst? As a defense mechanism? To prepare ourselves for what isn't going to happen, even though we have ourselves convince it is the THING that will happen? Instead of negativity, think the most positive result. Don't you want the best to happen? Then conjure up the most fantastic thing, so you can manifest it to occur. Stop focusing on what isn't going to happen and start concentrating on the good you want to come your way or you want to come out of a situation.

It's that negative mindset that stands in our way, time and time again. The first step to change your mindset is to be open and honest. You might be afraid of what others will think, but don't let that stand in your way. Your being open will give them permission to be open about themselves. They want permission to show you who they really are, but are scared to take the first step. So be brave and be authentic first. When you are completely vulnerable, you are being exactly who you are meant to be and nothing will stand in your way. You become aware of everything around you, allowing yourself to absorb that which will move you forward.

Open your arms wide and say, "I'm open. Give it to me. What's next?" Be willing to accept anything that comes your way, because it's an opportunity you are being given. When you close yourself off, it's as though you are saying, "Come," with one hand and at the same time saying, "Stop," with the other hand. Be open and willing with both, and you will see fantastic results. Step by small step is the key to fulfilling your passion…your purpose.

Instead of what you think MAY happen, what if something HUGE occurs? What if the impossible becomes possible? What is in your future is bigger and better than you can even imagine, but you MUST be willing to get out of your own way. EMBRACE CHANGE. And watch your DREAMS BECOME REALITY!!

Join our discussion, find out more single mom tips, or tell your story by joining our newsletter or signing up for our Single Moms Live Empowered Video Series at the website below.