The 10 Elements of a Soulmate

The American writer Richard Bach said, "A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are."

True to these words, a soulmate is the epitome of love and partnership; no one can fulfill you the way your soulmate can. There's a world of a difference between your soulmate, your heart's other half, and a life partner, a person who’s convenient but can’t open your inner locks. Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed, and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner may be a great supporter and long-time companion, but he or she can never complement your spirit fully.

Many of us remain in compromise relationships because we "settle" for a multitude of reasons. Among them, we may be subconsciously afraid of being alone. And since we're biologically designed to give and receive love, it's only natural that we pair up in this world. But sometimes we prolong what are meant to be temporary relationships and mistakenly settle into them for good. In some relationships, we must be together with a person for a certain amount of time to close out a karma; in others, we're meant to have children with our partner but not be with that person forever; and still in others, we experience a melting pot of conflicting emotions that leaves us confused.

Whether you're currently married, in a relationship, or contemplating entering one, it’s crucial that you know what role this person will play in your life. From what I’ve learned in my practice as an intuitive psychologist for over 25 years, there are certain elements that clearly indicate a soulmate bond (or lack of). As you go through this list, think about your partner or potential partner and evaluate whether they meet the soulmate criteria:

1. It's something inside. Describing how a soulmate makes you feel is difficult. It's a tenacious, profound, and lingering emotion that fills you with joy, but that words fail to capture.

2. Flashbacks. If your partner is your soulmate, chances are he or she has been present in your past lives. Soulmates often choose to come back together during the same lifetime and try to scope each other out in this big world. You might experience sudden and brief flashbacks of your soulmate. You may even feel an odd sense of déjà vu, as if the moment in time has already taken place, perhaps a long time ago in a different setting.

3. You just get each other. Ever met two people who can finish each other's sentences? Some people call that spending too much time together, but I call it a soulmate connection. You might experience this with your best friend or your sibling, but it’s the telltale sign of a soulmate when you experience it with your partner.

4. You fall in love with his or her flaws. No relationship is perfect, and even soulmates will experience their fair share of ups and downs. Still, that bond will be much harder to break. Soulmates have an easier time of accepting, even learning to love, each other's imperfections. Your relationship is more likely to be a soulmate match if you love each other exactly as you each are, accepting both the great and awful tendencies we all have.

5. It's intense. A soulmate relationship may be more intense than normal relationships, in both good and sometimes bad ways. That’s because soulmates usually have a bit of karma to resolve together. The most important thing is that even during the challenges, you're focused on resolving the problem and see beyond the bad moment.

6. It’s you two against the world. Soulmates often see their relationship as "us against the world." They feel so linked to each other that they're ready and willing to take on any feat of life, so long as they have their partner by their side. Soulmate relationships are founded on loyalty and unity above all else.

7. You're mentally inseparable. Soulmates often have a mental connection similar to twins. They might pick up the phone to call each other at the exact same time. Even when you’re apart, your minds will always remain in sync if you’re soulmates.

8. You feel secure and protected. Regardless of your partner’s gender, he or she should always make you feel safe. This means that if you're a man, your woman should protect you, too! You will feel like you have a guardian angel by your side. A person who plays on your insecurities—whether consciously or subconsciously—is not your soulmate.

9. You can't imagine life without him or her. A soulmate is not someone you can walk away from that easily. It’s someone you can't imagine being without, a person you believe is worth sticking with and fighting for.

10. You look each other in the eye. Soulmates have a tendency to look into each other's eyes when speaking more often than ordinary couples. This comes naturally from the deep-seated connection between them. Looking a person in the eye when speaking denotes transparency, a high comfort level, and complete confidence.

Whether you were designed by the universe as soulmates or you’re simply two people who have settled for each other's strengths and weaknesses, the decision is yours; the beauty of free will is that you can start, strengthen, or change any relationship. To be with your soulmate is one of life’s precious treasures. And if you feel you've found your heart's other half, I wish you endless days of joy and laughter, and countless nights of deep embrace, unraveling the mysteries of the universe one by one.

To love,
Dr. Carmen Harra