What-If Fear- Part I

There’s that familiar dialogue we’re always having with ourselves. You know, the statements we make that remind us what we need to work on and take care of.

Then, for many of us, that “What-If” fear pops up in between: “What if someone gets hurt?” “What if I embarrass myself?” “What if I forget something?” “What if I am not good enough?” It goes on and on and on.

Dialogue with ourselves is pervasive, it’s something we can count on, whether it’s vocal or not. So… what would happen if you capitalized on this fact?

Specifically, you get more “particular” about the things you tell yourself in this ongoing dialogue. Sure we’ve developed many of these “inner recordings” in early stages when we didn’t have much choice. But now – you get to choose what and what not to say.

First of all, a category that stands on its own is the ominous “Things We Can’t Prevent”: Instead of spending energy dreading or trying to change these, why not just prepare to be in the best state of mind and body to be able to work through them if they happen?

An analogy that may help is the fact that the impact of a blow causes more damage if a person is braced for it.

So now you get to put more energy and thought into the things you can prevent.

As for “Things We Can’t Control”: it pays to be clear on what we can and cannot control in life situations. What we can control in these circumstances is how we feel, how we react, how we prepare and often whether or not we choose to tolerate the situation that we have no way of controlling.

For example, you can’t change your boss, but you can look for another job. You can’t change your son-in-law so he has better manners, so you seek and appreciate the common ground you have with him and avoid him when you can.

Another example; let’s say you worry about the safety of your children. That’s understandable, but consider this: Why focus your energy toward their harm? Isn’t it a better bet to take care of the details that are within your control and be grateful that your children are safe and sound in this moment? You can put more energy into being the best parent you can be for them and enjoying your lives together.

Write or type your fears on a blank page. When you are finished, make note of those that you can do something about, and write yourself instructions on what to do.

Then, highlight those items that you cannot control or prevent - and let them go. Make an updated list that does not include them.

Another important choice you do have is to ask yourself what you can learn - or how you can grow from something that seems so difficult, traumatic or immovable. Look by asking “What’s the lesson here?”

It’s interesting how our development facilitates sudden change in so many situations.
Why spend so much energy conjuring imaginary dread when we can put our energy into the moment we are in NOW.

This is the moment we can co-create, and it starts with our thoughts. In this moment, we don’t have to worry about “What-Ifs”, but rather “What Is”.
Part II will address our personal “What-If” Fears about ourselves.