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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Speak Wisely - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2023 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 366 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 363 - Minimize Painful Experiences - by Submitted on Apr 03, 2023 from Rick HansonPainful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time. But is there really any shortage of ...
Views: 363 - Tell the Truth, Play Fair - by Submitted on Nov 14, 2022 from Rick HansonPerhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace. I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair. This is what we ask our own kids to do. It’s what we look for in a friend, a boss, and a ...
Views: 362 - Trust In Love - by Submitted on May 02, 2023 from Rick HansonTake a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green-growing things. You can't see the air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around ...
Views: 362 - Don't Rain On The Parade - by Submitted on Apr 24, 2023 from Rick HansonLet's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, the thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ...
Views: 361 - Drop The Case - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2023 from Rick HansonLately, I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ...
Views: 361 - See Progress - by Submitted on May 15, 2023 from Rick HansonThere are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet. But if you don’t recognize what’s improving in your own life, then ...
Views: 360 - Lighten Up - by Submitted on May 22, 2023 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To-Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 359 - Keep Your Eyes on the Prize - by Submitted on Feb 20, 2023 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right, this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 354 - Try a Softer Tone - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2023 from Rick HansonLinguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements: Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.” Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation An implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ...
Views: 354 - Forgive - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2023 from Rick HansonForgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings: To give up resentment or anger To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ...
Views: 351 - Rest - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2023 from Rick HansonThis practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.) Sometimes you can really feel what ...
Views: 351 - Make Good Bargains - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2023 from Rick HansonLife is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me, at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair ...
Views: 350 - Pet the Lizard - by Submitted on Aug 15, 2023 from Rick HansonI've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease. In my early 20's, I found a lizard one chilly morning in the mountains. ...
Views: 348 - Don't Be Intimidated - by Submitted on Mar 27, 2023 from Rick HansonHumans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ...
Views: 346 - Remember the Big Things - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2023 from Rick HansonIn every life, reminders arrive about what's really important. I’ve received some myself, as I’m sure you have, too. Perhaps it was news of a potentially serious health problem, the death of a loved one, or an accident that could have turned fatal. These are uncomfortably concrete messages ...
Views: 345 - Give No One Cause To Fear - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2023 from Rick HansonThe ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their great-grandchildren, sitting ...
Views: 342 - Hold Wants Lightly - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2023 from Rick HansonGetting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and ...
Views: 341 - See Your Part - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2023 from Rick HansonIn situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care ...
Views: 340 - Put No One Out of Your Heart - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWe all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who have you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ...
Views: 339 - Be Benevolent - by Submitted on Nov 28, 2023 from Rick HansonBenevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself. This goodwill is present in warmth, friendliness, compassion, ordinary decency, fair play, kindness, altruism, generosity, and love. The benevolent heart leans toward others; it ...
Views: 338 - Relax, You've Arrived - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2023 from Rick HansonWe spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere. Part of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future. It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, ...
Views: 335 - Hug the Monkey - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2023 from Rick HansonTo simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to three major stages of vertebrate evolution: Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms Mammal - Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards Primate/human – Neocortex, ...
Views: 332 - Give Over to Good - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2023 from Rick HansonIn every moment, you and I and everyone and everything else – from quantum foam to fleeting thoughts, intimate relationships, rainforest ecosystems, and the stars themselves – are each a kind of standing wave, like the ever-changing through a persistent pattern of water rising above a boulder in ...
Views: 331 - Lower the Pressure - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2023 from Rick HansonThings come at us with so much urgency and demand these days. Phones ring, texts buzz, emails pile up, new balls have to be juggled, work days lengthen and move into evenings and weekends, traffic gets denser, financial demands feel like a knife at the neck, ads and news clamor for attention, ...
Views: 327 - Feed the Mouse - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2023 from Rick HansonTo simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to the three major stages of vertebrate evolution: Reptile – Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms Mammal – Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards Primate – Neocortex, ...
Views: 326 - Feed the Wolf of Love - by Submitted on Oct 02, 2023 from Rick HansonI once heard a teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved, and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on ...
Views: 322 - Receive Generosity - by Submitted on Apr 17, 2023 from Rick HansonLife gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, ...
Views: 320 - Step Into the Cloud - by Submitted on Sep 12, 2023 from Rick HansonI had a lightbulb moment recently: I was feeling stressed about all the stuff I had to do (you probably know the feeling). After this went on for a while, I stepped back and kind of watched my mind, and could see that I was thinking of these various tasks as things, like big rocks that were ...
Views: 317 - Love the World - by Submitted on Sep 05, 2023 from Rick HansonTo simplify and summarize, our brain has three primary motivational systems – Avoiding harm, Approaching rewards, and Attaching to “us” – that draw on many neural networks to accomplish their goals. Lately, I’ve started to realize that a fourth fundamental human motivational system could be ...
Views: 312 - See Beings Not Bodies - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2023 from Rick HansonWhen we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: older, younger, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, sales clerk, or family member. In effect, the mind summarizes and ...
Views: 312 - Drop Tart Tone - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2023 from Rick HansonI remember times I felt frazzled or aggravated and then said something with an edge to it that just wasn't necessary or useful. Sometimes it was the words themselves: such as absolutes like "never" or always" or over-the-top phrases like "you're such a flake" or "that was stupid." More often, it ...
Views: 310 - Make The Offering - by Submitted on Nov 20, 2023 from Rick HansonOne of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I went through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20's. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was anticipating (= dreading) the release of buried sadness. Instead, there ...
Views: 307 - Back to Basics - by Submitted on Oct 23, 2023 from Rick HansonIn middle school, I thought it would be cool to play a musical instrument and picked the clarinet. My wise parents rented one rather than buying it, and I started practicing. (In the garage because it sounded pretty screechy.) After a week or two of doing scales, I got bored and picked my way ...
Views: 300 - Admit Fault and Move On - by Submitted on Nov 06, 2023 from Rick HansonHave you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight. Recall a time someone mistreated you, let you down, dropped the ball, made an error, spoke ...
Views: 298 - Pay Attention - by Submitted on Dec 11, 2023 from Rick HansonFrom moment to moment, the flows of thoughts and feelings, sensations and desires, and conscious and unconscious processes sculpt your nervous system like water, gradually carving furrows and eventually gullies on a hillside. Your brain is continually changing its structure. The only question ...
Views: 292 - Leave the Red Zone - by Submitted on Dec 04, 2023 from Rick HansonThere I was recently, my mind darting in different directions about projects in process, frazzled about little tasks backing up, uneasy about a tax record from 2010 we couldn’t find, feeling irritated about being irritable, hurrying to get to work, body keyed up, internal sense of pressure. Not ...
Views: 290 - Don't Beat Yourself Up - by Submitted on Nov 14, 2023 from Rick HansonA previous JOT - admit fault and move on - was about our relationship with other people. This JOT applies the same practice to ourselves. Most people know they have less than wonderful qualities, such as too much ambition (or too little), a weakness for wine or cookies, something of a temper, ...
Views: 287 - Find Your North Star - by Submitted on Dec 25, 2023 from Rick HansonI did a meditation retreat (at Spirit Rock, a wonderful place, including for workshops). One evening as we walked out of the hall after the last sit, I was feeling rattled and discombobulated. (One of the benefits of a retreat - though it can be uncomfortable - is that it stirs up the sediments ...
Views: 280 - Know You're a Good Person - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2023 from Rick HansonFor many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, and act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah! We end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I ...
Views: 280 - Be the Body - by Submitted on Oct 30, 2023 from Rick HansonAs a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around. This approach helped me to soldier through some tough times. But there were costs. Many pleasures were ...
Views: 278 - Cling Less, Love More - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2023 from Rick HansonAs a rock climber and a parent, I know some physical kinds of clinging are good - like too-small holds or small hands! But clinging as a psychological state has a feeling of tension in it, and drivenness, insistence, obsession, or compulsion. As experiences flow through the mind - seeing, ...
Views: 277 - Rest Your Weary Head - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2024 from Rick HansonThe traditional saying that's this week's practice has been sinking in for me lately. Thoughts have been swirling around like a sandstorm about work, things I've been reading, household tasks, finances, concerns about people, a yard that needs mowing, loose ends, projects, etc. etc. The other ...
Views: 277 - Enjoy Now - by Submitted on Jan 15, 2024 from Rick HansonThere’s a profound and miraculous mystery right under our noses: this instant of now has no duration at all, yet somehow it contains all the causes from the past that are creating the future. Everything arising to become this moment vanishes beneath our feet as the next moment wells up. Since ...
Views: 269 - Gift Yourself - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2024 from Rick HansonCan you remember a time when you offered a gift to someone? Perhaps a holiday present, or a treat to a child, or taking time for a friend – or anything at all. How did this feel? Researchers have found that giving stimulates the same neural networks that light up when we feel physical pleasure, ...
Views: 269 - See What's Likable - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2024 from Rick HansonLiking feels good, plus it encourages us to approach and engage the world rather than withdraw from it. Your brain continually tracks whether something is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. In essence, is it a carrot, a stick, or safely ignored? Naturally, we like - we enjoy - what's ...
Views: 266 - Find What's Sacred - by Submitted on Jan 08, 2024 from Rick HansonThe word sacred has two kinds of meanings. First, it can refer to something related to religion or spirituality. Second, more broadly, it can refer to something that one cherishes, that is precious, to which one is respectfully, even reverently, dedicated, such as honesty with one's life ...
Views: 262 - Be Home - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2024 from Rick HansonThroughout history, people have wondered about human nature. Deep down, are we basically good or bad? When the body is not disturbed by hunger, thirst, pain, or illness, and when the mind is not disturbed by threat, frustration, or rejection, then most people settle into their resting ...
Views: 258 - Avoid The Rush - by Submitted on Jan 01, 2024 from Rick HansonAs I was meditating one morning, our cat hopped up onto my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the ...
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