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Articles from Peggy Ferguson | Selfgrowth.com
- The Key To Successful Recovery of Your Marriage Is Within You - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2011 from Peggy FergusonThe key to successfully recovering the love that has eroded is within you. The fun that you once shared together can happen again. The robust sense of "us" that colored the choices you made on a daily basis can be restored. The ability to accomplish these things is within each partner. The ...
Views: 1183 - Addiction in Ongoing Recovery: Getting Acquainted With Middle Ground - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2011 from Peggy FergusonThe main task of early recovery is spent in trying to interrupt the momentum of the addiction to achieve sustained abstinence. Most of one's mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual energy is spent on that goal. In ongoing, stable, sustained recovery, the recovering person is no longer ...
Views: 2394(1 vote) - Breaking the Stalemate: Using Cognitive Therapy to Change Your Marriage - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2011 from Peggy FergusonCouples often come to counseling in a last ditch effort to avoid divorce and save the marriage. They have many goals and objectives in mind, often involving helping the therapist fix the other spouse. The real underlying goal is often the desire to restore the positive feelings toward the ...
Views: 6542 - Using Valentine's Day to Build Your Own Marriage Enrichment Initiative - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2011 from Peggy FergusonRoutine. Boring. Settled in. Comfortable. You love your spouse. You believe that she and the family are the most important people in your life. You have settled into a comfortable routine, accepting that you are loved and appreciated by your family. Your comfortable routine consists of an ...
Views: 1602 - How to Find The Best Marriage Counselor For Your Needs - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2011 from Peggy FergusonEveryone wants "the best". When you are looking for a marriage counselor it is important to find someone who is specifically trained in marriage counseling and has the credential of "licensed" or "certified" marriage counselor". This indicates that they demonstrated some level of competence ...
Views: 1333 - Family Dynamics of Addiction: Anger in Early Recovery - by Submitted on Feb 04, 2011 from Peggy Ferguson“Angry”, “mad”, “irritable”, “frustrated”, “annoyed”, “irate”, “seething”, “agitated”, and “cranky” are all labels for anger. This list, although it could be a lot longer, reflects varying degrees in intensity of anger. Anger, although a normal emotion, can be problematic for recovering ...
Views: 8039 - Addiction and Recovery: Why Don't They Just Quit? - by Submitted on Feb 03, 2011 from Peggy FergusonFamily members are often stymied about how their alcoholic/addicted family member can continue to drink or use in the face of overwhelming evidence that the chemical is destroying their lives. “Why don’t they just quit?” is a question that could rightfully top the list of “FAQs by Family ...
Views: 1956(2 votes) - Using The “Cognitive Therapy for the Holidays” Worksheet To Reduce Your Holiday Stress - by Submitted on Nov 23, 2010 from Peggy FergusonTry a little cognitive therapy to reduce your holiday stress. Cognitive therapy examines the thoughts and beliefs that lead to feelings, and thus to behavior. Everyone has some cognitive distortions which are irrational ideas, thoughts, or beliefs, that get in the way of optimal functioning. ...
Views: 5683(3 votes) - Standing At The Crossroads: Trying to Quit Using Drugs - by Submitted on Nov 19, 2010 from Peggy FergusonPeople do not easily come to the conclusion that they have an alcohol or other drug problem. The telltale signs have been there quite some time. Addiction carries with it its own camouflage devices. It can look like a lot of other illnesses from the perspective of an outsider looking in. ...
Views: 2181(2 votes) - How to Separate the Help From The Hype In Addiction Treatment - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2010 from Peggy FergusonThere is so much "information" on the internet about addiction and recovery and unless you already have some knowledge about addiction and recovery, all resources may appear equal to you. This is not the case. There are advertisements, articles, and blog posts about addiction recovery ...
Views: 1861(2 votes) - Couple Communication: Can You Really Not Communicate? - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2010 from Peggy FergusonI often hear couples complain that they cannot talk about anything. Does that really happen? Think about what would happen in your relationship if you really, literally could not talk to your spouse--about anything. How would you exchange information about work, daily routines, groceries and ...
Views: 3498(1 vote) - Couple Communication: How to De-escalate A Discussion - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Peggy FergusonMany couples get into a dysfunctional pattern of conflict escalation and withdrawal as they attempt to discuss the problems and issues in their life. Each unsuccessful attempt to solve the identified problem sets the tone for the next time that they attempt to resolve the issue. Unresolved ...
Views: 6672(2 votes) - Getting Started: "Ready, Set, Talk!" - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Peggy FergusonSometimes couples wish they felt more emotionally close to their spouses. You may feel taken for granted and might even recognize that you take your spouse for granted. One or both of you might be daydreaming about dedicating some time and energy to restoring that eroding emotional connection. ...
Views: 1342(2 votes) - Getting Started: "Ready, Set, Talk!" - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Peggy FergusonSometimes couples wish they felt more emotionally close to their spouses. You may feel taken for granted and might even recognize that you take your spouse for granted. One or both of you might be daydreaming about dedicating some time and energy to restoring that eroding emotional connection. ...
Views: 1009(1 vote) - Getting Married: Building Healthy Step-families - by Submitted on Aug 19, 2010 from Peggy FergusonIf your family is a "remarried family" or a "step-family" then you're in good company. The experience of building a remarried or stepfamily is a common experience, not only for recovering people, but for the general population as well. There are lots of difficulties involved in putting together ...
Views: 1742(4 votes) - Everyone Loses When You Give Up on Your Marriage Without Trying to Acquire the Skills You Need To Keep It - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Peggy FergusonThere is the "should" that says that you should be able to solve your own problems without help. Here is the rationale: "If your relationship has enough tension and strain that help is needed, the relationship is not going to make it anyway, so why waste time and money with counseling?" The ...
Views: 1890 - Keep Your Parents and Children Out of Your Marriage - by Submitted on Aug 19, 2010 from Peggy FergusonKeep your parents and your children out of your marriage. Once they are in there, it's hard to get them out. When you are in conflict with your spouse, it is really tempting to use whoever is handy to vent to, regarding your marriage. And often the people available most available to us are ...
Views: 1680 - What To Do Right Now To Keep Your Spouse From Leaving You and To Build A Better Life Together. - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2010 from Peggy FergusonWhat if you were called into your boss's office and told that s/he was thinking about letting you go, that you were not fulfilling your job responsibilities, and that you were holding the company back rather than helping the company grow and prosper? Yes, you might be shocked or stunned. You ...
Views: 3190 - Falling Out of Love - Should We Pack It In? - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2010 from Peggy FergusonOften when a couple comes in for couple’s counseling, one of the partners is stating that s/he has fallen out of love with the other partner. Sometimes they both feel that way, but usually it is just one spouse verbalizing this. When you are feeling this way, it is common to question whether ...
Views: 2333 - Addiction Recovery Worksheet For Identifying Healthy Replacements for the Alcohol and Drugs - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2010 from Peggy FergusonOne of the most important tasks of early recovery from alcohol and other drug addiction is learning to replace the chemical with health living skills. When you have taken the chemical out of your life, it leaves a big gaping hole, where something of substance was. Alcohol or other drugs have ...
Views: 11041(2 votes) - Help My Teen: Could Your Child's Problems Be Due to Addiction? - by Submitted on Jun 04, 2010 from Peggy FergusonParents often find themselves in a quandary trying to figure out how to help the adolescent whose behavior, disposition, and mood has changed for the worst. The exact nature of the problem may be eluding them. They use a trial and error problem solving method where they end up trying anything ...
Views: 1648(3 votes) - Addiction and Recovery: Who Will Enable Your Addicted Loved One When You Quit? - by Submitted on Jun 03, 2010 from Peggy Ferguson"Enabling" can be described as a behavior pattern of the significant people in the life on an addict or alcoholic. "Enabling" involves rescuing the alcoholic/addict from the negative consequences of his or her behavior. When the addict has those negative consequences of his/her addiction ...
Views: 3226(4 votes) - Addiction and Recovery: "Treatment" and "Recovery" Are Not The Same Thing. - by Submitted on Jun 03, 2010 from Peggy Ferguson"My spouse went to recovery. Now they tell me that he needs to go on to additional counseling. What is that all about?" "Recovery" and "treatment" are not the same thing. Inpatient treatment, detox, or outpatient treatment, in and of itself, is not "recovery". Recovery is generally a return ...
Views: 2849(2 votes) - Staying Sober After In-Patient Treatment: Ten Reasons To Follow Through With Continuing Care Even If You Don't Want To - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2010 from Peggy FergusonThe majority of patients who successfully complete inpatient and have the desire to stay clean and sober relapse in the first year after acute care treatment. Anyone who has been to inpatient treatment has noticed that the among the other patients around them, that there is a large percentage ...
Views: 2816(2 votes) - Marital Counseling: How to Make The Most of the Opportunities of Marriage Counseling - by Submitted on May 18, 2010 from Peggy FergusonPeople seek marriage counseling because they need help or are in pain. In any given couple, there is usually one who is more interested in counseling than the other. With a list of complaints, each partner usually feels compelled to make his/her case to the counselor about their spouse being ...
Views: 1315(1 vote) - Why People Have Marital Affairs - by Submitted on May 10, 2010 from Peggy FergusonWhy, when most people believe in monogamous marriages, and that affairs are "wrong", are so many couples struggling to recover from infidelity? Most people do not intend to have an affair and most couples never would have believed that it would happen to them. Affairs happen in the marriages of ...
Views: 2354(2 votes) - Our Marriage Is In Trouble But My Spouse Won't Go to Marriage Counseling: 7 Reasons Why Your Spouse May Resist Counseling - by Submitted on May 18, 2010 from Peggy FergusonThe idea of marriage counseling is usually brought up and pursued by one partner, initially. The possibility of marriage counseling is often an ongoing debate or discussion for sometime before couples actually find their way to the counselor's office. There are a number of reasons why one ...
Views: 2573 - Addiction and Recovery: Don't Let Grief Over the Loss of Alcohol Derail Your Transition Into Recovery - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2010 from Peggy FergusonOne of the common experiences of the earliest efforts toward quitting drinking and becoming sober, is grief over the loss of the chemical. For many people with an alcohol or other drug problem, the chemical, (whether it is alcohol or oxycodone) has become the addict's best friend and constant ...
Views: 4571(2 votes) - Addiction and Recovery: The Cross Addiction Worksheet - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2010 from Peggy FergusonMany recovering people who begin the process of becoming clean and sober, harbor the notion that they can continue to hang on to some remnants of an old drinking/using lifestyle. They often initially believe that specific drugs are The Problem. Initially alcoholics/addicts may not consider use ...
Views: 13469(4 votes) - A Realistic Approach to Reducing Unhappiness and Preventing Divorce - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2010 from Peggy FergusonWhile many conflicted and combative couples stay together through the holidays to not disappoint the kids or the extended family members, other couples who may have not even been thinking about divorce, begin to feel discouraged, disappointed, and disenchanted after the holidays and decide to ...
Views: 2243 - Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Sixteen Helpful Guidelines to Help You Navigate Through Your Grief - by Submitted on Dec 31, 2009 from Peggy FergusonYou may be wondering if it is even possible to survive the loss of someone you love. You may be thinking that you are going crazy, or that you will never quit crying. You may think that you will never be the same and will never feel better. Grief is one of the most devastating experiences ...
Views: 1863(3 votes) - How to Overcome Seven Obstacles to New Year's Resolutions Success - by Submitted on Dec 31, 2009 from Peggy FergusonI love the New Year. I feel like I am the threshold of a new year. I am glad that there is a week between Christmas and the New Year because it gives me a chance to recover, regroup, and rethink. Of course, I would like to think of a new year as a fresh, blank, Big Chief Tablet to write ...
Views: 2467(2 votes) - Two Things You Can Do Now To Reduce Your Holiday Stress - by Submitted on Dec 11, 2009 from Peggy FergusonWe know that once Thanksgiving is over, we will be having an increase in our stress. This yearly event, when the demands for our time, energy, money, and other resources increase exponentially, and our stress levels rises accordingly, is lovingly known as "the holidays". And each year, we just ...
Views: 1342(2 votes) - Six guidelines on how to improve your patience and tolerance for your family during the holidays - by Submitted on Dec 11, 2009 from Peggy FergusonMost people experience a great deal of stress in that period of time between Thanksgiving and New Years, fondly known as “The Holidays”. Many of us, find ourselves becoming irritable, with our patience and tolerance stretched to the limit. Much of the impatience and intolerance involves ...
Views: 6364(7 votes) - Family Dynamics of Addiction Exposed: Identifying The "Real Problem" and What To Do About It - by Submitted on Nov 19, 2009 from Peggy FergusonMany non-addicted spouses complain about how their addicted significant other is driving them crazy, making them depressed, or leading them toward suicide or homicide. These comments only illustrate the destructive nature of the family dynamics of addiction. The addicted and non-addicted ...
Views: 3144(3 votes) - One More Essential Tool For Preventing Relapse in Early Addiction Recovery - by Submitted on Nov 08, 2009 from Peggy FergusonMost non-addicted people have routines and organizing structures in their lives that help provide stability. An addict's lifestyle is often one of chaotic instability and disorganization. A general lack of structure and routine contributes to this disorganization and chaos. An addicted ...
Views: 3278(4 votes) - Addiction and Recovery: Do You Need Detox After Relapse? - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2009 from Peggy FergusonWhile most people realize that relapse is a common experience for addicts in recovery, they often do not know how to get back on track after relapsing on alcohol or other mood altering drugs. Although relapse is commonplace, it is predictable, and thus preventable. For many recovering ...
Views: 6306(3 votes) - Essential Definitions for People Trying to Gain Assertiveness Skills - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2009 from Peggy FergusonAlthough most people have some pretty clear-cut notions about what assertiveness is and isn't, assertiveness is often confused with aggression. Assertiveness is not necessarily about having your will prevail over the will of others. That is actually more descriptive of aggression. Especially ...
Views: 1844(2 votes) - What Can We Do to Improve Our Relationship? Answers from "Ask Peggy" - by Submitted on Nov 06, 2009 from Peggy FergusonCommunication is not only the life's blood of a marriage, it is the cornerstone that the foundation of relationship skills rest on. You have to have good communication skills to be able to convey your love, affection, and commitment to your loved ones. You can not effectively problem solve ...
Views: 2878(3 votes) - Six Super Simple Guidelines for Developing Your Communication Skills By Improving Your Ability to Listen - by Submitted on Nov 05, 2009 from Peggy FergusonBuilding a solid foundation for the development of good communication skills involves learning how to listen effectively. There are several elements of effective listening. These elements include attention, reflection, ability to tolerate tension, and ability to challenge the assumptions that ...
Views: 3789(4 votes) - Couple Communication: Back to Basics To Improve Your Relationship and Restore Happiness - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2009 from Peggy FergusonOne of the most important tools to develop or restore communication skills is the use of “I” messages. "I" messages are not as likely to elicit defensiveness. They actually increase the probability that your message(s) will be heard. With this simple change in how you communicate with your ...
Views: 4907(2 votes) - Couple Communication: Overcoming Roadblocks to Communication to Maintain or Regain Your Marital Happiness - by Submitted on Oct 30, 2009 from Peggy FergusonMost people want to have a loving, committed, happy marriage. And they think they know what will make for that happy marriage. Some of the characteristics often identified as making up a stable and loving relationship include: trust, love, respect, honesty, and faithfulness, among other ...
Views: 3774 - Addiction and Recovery: The Emotional Highs and Lows of Early Recovery - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2009 from Peggy FergusonWhen someone makes a decision to get the help that they need to quit drinking and using other drugs, everything begins to change. As an addict’s body begins to detox and as she is consciously trying to interrupt the momentum of addicted use of a chemical (including alcohol), she goes through ...
Views: 4675(2 votes) - Treatment for Spouses and Other Family Members of Alcoholics and Addicts - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2009 from Peggy FergusonOne of the most frequent questions that I hear from family members is, “Why do I need to be in counseling, when she is the alcoholic/addict? The family members that do come into treatment willingly and eagerly at the beginning are most often motivated to “help” the addict. The idea that ...
Views: 3057(1 vote) - Addiction and Recovery: How to Catapult Your Recovery to the Next Level by Using A Problems Checklist to Drive Skill Developmen - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2009 from Peggy FergusonEarly recovery is a time of self-assessment and problem identification. You have to know what is not working in order to begin to fix it. One of the first tasks, right after learning basic craving management techniques is spending the time and energy to identify the roles that chemicals have ...
Views: 2488(1 vote) - Addiction and Recovery: Plan Your Vacation, Not Your Relapse! - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2009 from Peggy FergusonWhen facing the loss of most of one’s structure in situations like vacation or business trips, relapsive thinking can return, even in established, stable recovery. The relapse thoughts can include some of the below, but this is not an all inclusive lists. When planning a vacation or business ...
Views: 3837(2 votes) - Addiction As Disease Does Not Equal "Get Out of Jail Free" - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2009 from Peggy FergusonSometimes family members have a hard time with the idea that addiction is a disease. When this is the case, it often has to do with the issue of responsibility. Sometimes family members believe that "disease" is equated with a "get out of jail free card" or not being held responsible. This is ...
Views: 2088(2 votes) - Addiction Recovery: 12 Do's and Don'ts For the Family While the Alcoholic is in Rehab - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2009 from Peggy FergusonYour significant other finally went to rehab. With all the events leading up to his agreeing to go to treatment, it may feel like a let-down. You may have breathed a big sigh of relief as you drove away from the airport or the treatment center after dropping him or her off. You may feel hope. ...
Views: 4346(2 votes) - Addiction and Recovery: Drinking or Using Dreams as a Normal Part of Recovery - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2009 from Peggy FergusonWhen you have a drinking or using dream, you may wake up not really knowing if it actually happened. Many people in early recovery find it disturbing and frightening when they experience a "using" dream. Drinking and using dreams are those dreams where the central theme or experience is about ...
Views: 4683(2 votes) - Addiction and Recovery: Prevent Relapse By Making Good Choices - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2009 from Peggy FergusonRelapse is a process that occurs over time, in the context of significant decisions. Many people who relapse say that drinking or using was the furthest thing from their mind just before they consumed the chemical. In reality, most of the time, relapse was in process some time before the ...
Views: 4412(2 votes)