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Articles from Sam Vaknin | Selfgrowth.com
- When the Narcissist and Codependent Reverse Their Roles - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninSometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), ...
Views: 18070(2 votes) - Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory (MCMI-III) - by Submitted on Apr 08, 2007 from Sam VakninThe third edition of this popular test, the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory (MCMI-III), has been published in 1996. With 175 items, it is much shorter and simpler to administer and to interpret than the MMPI-II. The MCMI-III diagnoses personality disorders and Axis I disorders but not other ...
Views: 13290 - Sexual Fantasies of Narcissists and Psychopaths - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2013 from Sam VakninInevitably, the sexual fantasy life of narcissists and psychopaths reflects their psychodynamic landscape: their fear of intimacy, misogyny, control freakiness, auto-eroticism, latent sadism and masochism, problems of gender identity, and various sexual paraphilias. Fantasies which reflect a ...
Views: 12739 - Narcissistic Supply and Sex - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninThe psychosexuality of all types of narcissists – cerebral and somatic alike – involves the objectification and interchangeability of intimate partners. Narcissists are polyamorous and autoerotic. Quite a few of them have comorbid sexual paraphilias (are deviant.) The cerebral narcissist aims ...
Views: 11109 - Narcissist and His Body in Health, Illness, and Disability - by Submitted on May 05, 2015 from Sam VakninWhen narcissists fall victim to chronic or acute diseases, or survive a traffic accident, they react in either of four typical ways, depending on the type of narcissist: 1. The schizotypal reaction: the belief that the narcissist's predicament is a part of a larger, cosmic plan, or of a ...
Views: 8328 - The Aging Narcissist - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2011 from Sam VakninInterview granted to Harmony (India) The first thing that occurs to me when thinking of aging is a gradual change in one’s physical structure that is apparent to others, and to oneself of course. Now what precisely do we mean by aging, or getting old or older, in terms of the mind or psyche? ...
Views: 7830 - People-pleasers and Pathological Charmers - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2013 from Sam VakninPeople-pleasers dread conflicts and wish to avoid them (they are conflict-averse) - hence their need to believe that they are universally liked. Always pleasant, well-mannered, and civil, the conflict-averse people-pleaser is also evasive and vague, hard to pin down, sometimes obsequious and, ...
Views: 7805(1 vote) - Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the DSM V - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninThe DSM V re-defines personality disorders thus: at "The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits." According to the June 2011 text of the DSM V, the following ...
Views: 7345(1 vote) - Psychology of The Lifestyle (Swinging) - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2013 from Sam VakninThe Lifestyle involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants whether in the same space, or separately. It is also known as “swinging”, “wife-, or spouse-swapping”, “wife-, or spouse-sharing”, “group sex” and, where multiple people interact with a single person, “gangbanging”. ...
Views: 6916(1 vote) - "My Wife's Separate Vacation Spells the Beginning of the End of Our Relationship" - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2013 from Sam VakninSeparate vacations may, indeed, signify the beginning of the end of your relationship - or serve as a boost to its quality and durability. It all depends on several factors: 1. Topical vs. recreational vacations If your wife is addicted to chess and you can't stand the game, she has the ...
Views: 6861(1 vote) - Cold Empathy: The Narcissist as Predator - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist cursed - or blessed - with mental X-ray vision. He sees through people's emotional shields, their petty lies, their pitiable defences, their grandiose fantasies. He knows when they deviate from the truth and ...
Views: 6161 - Narcissist's Reactions to Deficient, Fake, Negative, Low-grade, or Static Narcissistic Supply - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2011 from Sam VakninThe narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's ability to obtain Narcissistic Supply, or when ...
Views: 6022(1 vote) - Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2014 from Sam VakninNarcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps By Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" You have been abused, maltreated, harrassed, and stalked. You feel that you fell prey to a narcissist or psychopath. But, you must move on from victim to ...
Views: 5773 - “I Attract Abusers Like a Magnet” - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninMany victims of narcissists are firmly convinced that they have been "chosen" by their abusers because of their capacity to empathize, their innate sensitivity, compassion, and their ability to love and care. Indeed, these qualities tend to attract exploitative psychopathic predators who ...
Views: 5415(1 vote) - The Narcissist’s Relationship with Money - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" When the narcissist has money, he can exercise his sadistic urges freely and with little fear of repercussions. Money shields him from life itself, from the outcomes and consequences of his actions; it insulates him warmly ...
Views: 5167 - Thematic Appreciation Test (TAT) - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Thematic Appreciation Test (TAT) is similar to the Rorschach inkblot test. Subjects are shown pictures and asked to tell a story based on what they see. Both these projective assessment tools elicit important information about underlying psychological fears and needs. The TAT was developed ...
Views: 4786 - Cold Empathy and Warm Empathy - by Submitted on Jun 14, 2012 from Sam VakninEmpathy is comprised of two components: I. Cold Empathy: an intersubjective agreement as to the mental content (especially emotions) of two or more human subjects; II. Warm Empathy: the emotional response to Cold Empathy. Cold Empathy is an act of taxonomy and an attempt to overcome the ...
Views: 4719(1 vote) - Mourning the Narcissist - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam VakninAt the commencement of the relationship, the Narcissist is a dream-come-true. He is often intelligent, witty, charming, good looking, an achiever, empathetic, in need of love, loving, caring, attentive and much more. He is the perfect bundled answer to the nagging questions of life: finding ...
Views: 4373(1 vote) - Misinformation about Covert vs. Classic Narcissists - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from Sam VakninContrary to misinformation spread by "experts" online, covert narcissists are not cunning and manipulative. Classic narcissists are: they often disguise their true nature effectively, knowingly, and intentionally. They are persistent actors with great thespian skills. Not so the covert ...
Views: 4364 - Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI-II) - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2007 from Sam VakninThe MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), composed by Hathaway (a psychologist) and McKinley (a physician) is the outcome of decades of research into personality disorders. The revised version, the MMPI-II (also known as MMPI-2), was published in 1989 but was received cautiously. ...
Views: 4331 - The Narcissist's Disabled and Challenged Children - by Submitted on Jul 05, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist regards his disabled or challenged child as an insult, a direct challenge to his self-perceived perfection and omnipotence, a constant, nagging source of negative narcissistic supply, and the reification and ...
Views: 4227 - The Narcissist's Conflicted Relationship with His Fans, Followers, and Admirers - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2013 from Sam VakninThe narcissist depends on his coterie for Narcissistic Supply. He resents this addictive dependence and himself for being so frail and impotent. It negates his self-delusional grandiose fantasy of omnipotence. To compensate for this shameful neediness, the narcissist holds his sycophantic ...
Views: 4202 - A Cerebral Narcissist on His Sexuality - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2016 from Sam VakninI am a cerebral narcissist. I brandish my brainpower, exhibit my intellectual achievements, bask in the attention given to my mind and its products. I hate my body and neglect it. It is a nuisance, a burden, a derided appendix, an inconvenience, a punishment. Needless to add that I rarely have ...
Views: 4030 - Impulse Control and Narcissistic Fear of Failure - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2013 from Sam VakninMany narcissistic defences, traits, and behaviours revolve around the compulsive need to sustain a grandiose self-image of perfection (“perfectionism”.) Paradoxically, deficient impulse control helps achieve this crucial goal. Impulsive actions and addictive behaviours render failure impossible ...
Views: 4016(1 vote) - Narcissists, Social Media, and Porn - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam VakninSocial media, such as Tumblr.com, have become the playground of narcissists, psychopaths, and sadists who post extreme and, at times, illegal porn and revel in the reactions to it, thus garnering vicarious narcissistic supply. Via such postings, they express their rabid misogyny by objectifying ...
Views: 3818 - Histrionic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 23, 2007 from Sam VakninMost patients with the Histrionic Personality Disorder are women. This immediately raises the question: Is this a real mental health disorder or a culture-bound syndrome which reflects the values of a patriarchal and misogynistic society? A man with similar traits is bound to be admired as a ...
Views: 3438 - Schizoid Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2007 from Sam VakninSchizoids enjoy nothing and seemingly never experience pleasure (they are anhedonic). Even their nearest and dearest often describe them as "automata", "robots", or "machines". But the schizoid is not depressed or dysphoric, merely indifferent. Schizoids are uninterested in social relationships ...
Views: 3377 - The Narcissist in Custody Battles - by Submitted on May 21, 2015 from Sam VakninThe Narcissist in Custody Battles Presentation made by Sam Vaknin Author of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited” In the 11th Annual and First International Battered Mothers Custody Conference http://batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/ HOW NARCISSIST SEES HIS CHILDREN 1. ...
Views: 3352(1 vote) - Common Features of Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Mar 22, 2007 from Sam VakninPsychology is more an art form than a science. There is no "Theory of Everything" from which one can derive all mental health phenomena and make falsifiable predictions. Still, as far as personality disorders are concerned, it is easy to discern common features. Most personality disorders share ...
Views: 3312 - Countering Abandonment and Separation Anxiety - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninClinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ...
Views: 3307(1 vote) - Inner Voices, False Narratives, Narcissism, and Codependence - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2014 from Sam VakninThe narcissist constructs a narrative of his life that is partly confabulated and whose purpose is to buttress, demonstrate, and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose and often impossible claims made by the False Self. This narrative allocates roles to significant others in the ...
Views: 3217 - A Good Mother Loves Her Children Unconditionally, No Matter What. - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninBut what about narcissistic or psychopathic children, children suffering from conduct disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder)? Donovan, 16 years old, is incapable of loving and, therefore, has never loved you, his mother (or, for that matter, anyone else, himself included) in his entire ...
Views: 3091 - Spite and Envy: Passive-Aggressive Narcissists - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for ...
Views: 3056 - “It's All My Fault for Having Provoked Him” - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninHow often have you heard the following phrases coupled with the most horrific physical, verbal, and psychological abuse: "It's all your fault, you made me do it" or "look what you made me do!" Abusers have alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control. This means that they tend to ...
Views: 2996(1 vote) - The Situational Codependent: Codependence as Reaction to Life Crises - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Some patients develop codependent behaviors and traits in the wake of a life crisis, especially if it involves an abandonment and resulting solitude (e.g. divorce, or an empty nest: when one’s children embark on their own, ...
Views: 2982 - The Body as a Torture Chamber - by Submitted on May 28, 2010 from Sam VakninThere is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed: one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The process of chronic disease invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. It does so publicly, enhancing the ...
Views: 2938(1 vote) - Narcissist's Projection, Projective Identification, and the Victim's Introjective Identification - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist’s False Self is grandiose. The narcissist seeks to maintain his inflated fantasy of himself. He denies, slices and splits off, and “evacuates” or projects onto others emotions, cognitions (thoughts), traits, ...
Views: 2929 - How can you tell a TRUE friend from a FAKE one? - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam VakninA TRUE friend supports you only when he believes that you are doing the right thing in your self-interest and welfare; A FAKE friend supports you always, no matter what you do. A TRUE friend respects you only when you have earned respect and act respectably; A FAKE friend "respects" you ...
Views: 2922(2 votes) - Narcissist's Frustrating, Negativistic, and Passive-Aggressive Behaviors - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2016 from Sam VakninFrustrating one's nearest and dearest has the dual "advantage" of simultaneously satisfying the narcissist's masochistic and sadistic urges. By withholding love, sex, intimacy, and the fulfillment of other people's desires and needs, the narcissist torments them even as he obstructs his own ...
Views: 2848 - “Parasite singles”, “boomerang kids”, and “accordion families” - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam Vaknin"One man cannot be a warrior on a battlefield." (Russian proverb) The Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” With an anemic ...
Views: 2774 - The Narcissist's Stripped Ego - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist's True Self is introverted and dysfunctional. In healthy people, Ego functions are generated from the inside, from the Ego. In narcissists, the Ego is dormant, comatose. The narcissist needs the input of and ...
Views: 2742 - Narcissist Loves Pain: His and Others' - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled. Having ...
Views: 2739 - Bad Mother, Good Mother, Good Son/Daughter: Offspring of Narcissistic Parents - by Submitted on Jul 02, 2013 from Sam VakninChildren of narcissistic parents grow up to become either sensitized or desensitized to narcissistic behaviours, traits, and personalities. In adulthood, sensitized offspring are able to rapidly discern the presence of narcissists by reading their body language and by resonating with subtle ...
Views: 2736(2 votes) - "I Fear the Holidays: It is the Worst Time of the Year!" - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninThe holidays season should be a time of family get-togethers, love shared, and relatives and friends brought up to date. Holidays are supposed to be the reification of that contradiction in terms: mass or group intimacy. Instead, for victims of family violence and abuse, the holidays are ...
Views: 2709(2 votes) - Bodily Effects of Torture and Abuse - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninThere is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed – one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The torturer invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. He does so publicly, deliberately, repeatedly and, ...
Views: 2675(1 vote) - Cyber-celebrity vs. "Real" World Fame - by Submitted on May 20, 2010 from Sam VakninI know at least ten people whose personal Websites attract as many unique visitors a year as the number of copies sold of Dan Brown’s books. Yet, Dan Brown is a global celebrity and they remain largely anonymous. Why is that? Fame is defined as the number of people who have heard about you. If ...
Views: 2663(1 vote) - Borderline Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 24, 2007 from Sam VakninThe fact that the Borderline personality disorder is often found among women makes it a controversial mental health diagnosis. Some scholars say that it is a culture-bound pseudo-syndrome invented by men to serve a patriarchal and misogynistic society. Others point to the fact the lives of ...
Views: 2616 - The Demise of Empathy in Business and the Workplace - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninEmpathy is at the foundation of both altruism and collaboration. Thus, while it does consume scarce resources, empathy confers important evolutionary advantages both from the individual’s point of view (cooperation) and from the species’s (altruism.) Yet, we are witnessing a marked ...
Views: 2582 - Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Bipolar I Disorder - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The manic phase of Bipolar I Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Bipolar patients in the manic phase exhibit many of the signs and symptoms of pathological narcissism - ...
Views: 2579 - A Classification of Lies and Confabulations - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2010 from Sam VakninA statement constitutes a lie only if at least one of the interlocutors knows it to be untrue, yet insists or assumes that it is true. If all the parties involved in the exchange know that the statement is false or if none of them know whether it is false or true, then it is fiction or an act of ...
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