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Articles from Gary Direnfeld | Selfgrowth.com
- Coming to Grips as the Memory Fades – The Three Biggies - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2015 from Gary DirenfeldWhile most people immediately go to memory loss as a primary deficit of dementia, there are other issues which can create havoc for coping be it by the affected person or support persons. Chief among those other issues are anosognosia, confabulation and disinhibition. Anosognosia is the ...
Views: 1229(2 votes) - Five sure-fire signs you need couple counselling… - by Submitted on Sep 10, 2012 from Gary DirenfeldFive sure-fire signs you need couple counseling… Your relationship has been unsatisfying for some time. You’ve been toying with the idea of getting help, but just how do you know when you need to see a counselor? Here are five sure-fire signs: 1. No time together: Do you find yourself ...
Views: 1212(1 vote) - Four Secret Strategies to Better Manage Behavior Without Punishment - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldIn addition to my counseling practice for most matters of family life, I frequently provide workshops. This week, three: one for parents of high school students, one for parents of elementary students and the third for students in grades 5, 6 and 7. As in all my parent workshops, I ask what ...
Views: 1081(1 vote) - Is It Safe? - by Submitted on Sep 10, 2012 from Gary DirenfeldIs It Safe? Marital or couple counseling is an intimate experience that by design enables couples to disclose and address issues held secret. Those issues held secret may be from each other or from outsiders – including therapists. Once the word is out there though, the next issue is how ...
Views: 1165(1 vote) - Let Go To Win - Child Custody - by Submitted on May 30, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldLet Go To Win Monkey hunters have an ingenious way to trap their prey. They carve a small hole into a gourd and then hollow it out. Into the gourd they place a small piece of fruit or some nuts. They strap the gourd to a tree and then wait. In a little while a monkey shows up and sniffs at the ...
Views: 1756(1 vote) - Separated Parents: It’s not Quantum of Time, but Quality of Relationship - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldIf you get hung up on the quantum of time, you may lose sight of the quality of your relationship now and for the future. At the end of the day some separated parents fight tooth and nail over how the children’s time will be divvied up between them. Children are even drawn into the dispute, ...
Views: 1197(1 vote) - The Five Best Friends of the Abusive Man - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2012 from Gary DirenfeldThe Five Best Friends of the Abusive Man Truly abusive men are out for themselves. These are the narcissists and sociopaths who walk among us in plain clothes. Abusive men rely on these five strategies to gratify their needs ahead of or at the expense of their partner: 1. Denial Even with ...
Views: 2696(1 vote) - Major Depression and Family - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2009 from Gary DirenfeldMajor Depression and Family While most people have experienced a period of feeling down or blue, those who experience major depression experience a far more profound sense of feeling overwhelmed by dread and despair. Their feelings may be independent of, somewhat dependent upon and at times ...
Views: 1513(1 vote) - Pre-Marital Counseling In View Of Abuse - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2009 from Gary DirenfeldPre-Marital Counseling In View Of Abuse My boyfriend and I getting married in a few months and I am worried because although he is so great, he does have a temper. When he gets mad he becomes scary. At times he yells and screams and at other times he throws and breaks things. He’s only hit me ...
Views: 1637(1 vote) - Verbal Aubse - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2009 from Gary DirenfeldVerbal abuse refers to the use of language as a means to control or subordinate another person for either self-gratification or to impose one’s view or will on another or to gain an unfair advantage in resolving a dispute. While both parties subject to a dispute may use inappropriate language ...
Views: 1773(1 vote) - Issues for Immigrant Parents and Their Children - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2009 from Gary DirenfeldImmigrant families to Canada and the United States can face many issues complicating their adjustment to the new host culture. Often unconsidered is the implications for intra-familial culture clash when children take to the host culture sooner or more wholeheartedly than their parents. Risk ...
Views: 4453(1 vote) - 4 Points to Consider Before Sending Your Child to Counseling - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2017 from Gary DirenfeldQuestion: Gary, I heard another psychologist state that counseling is not beneficial for children under 12 because they see things so literally and are not able to consider the concepts and abstract. Would you agree? ( I think I paraphrased her correctly). I am curious about your thoughts on ...
Views: 1032 - 4 Tips to Resist the Fight on the Way to the Negotiating Table - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldYou finally recognize that your adversarial battle isn’t resolving your dispute. You’re draining your resources both financially and emotionally. You don’t believe your former partner would ever negotiate a truce, let alone a settlement. Mediation is discussed and one person says they’ll go but ...
Views: 1235 - 5 Tips to Manage at the Negotiating Table - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldYour behavior, how you conduct yourself at the negotiating table can work for you or against you. Remember, this is a negotiating table, not a court of law or arbitrator’s office. In negotiating, there is little to prove and all to negotiate. Negotiation is about how to move forward, not ...
Views: 1162 - A Powerful Concept to Alter Children’s Behavior - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldThere is a Jewish word that doesn’t translate directly into English, but it informs my attitude to people who have undergone hardship and need help. Translated, the word is a hybrid of several concepts, not standing alone on any one, but really the combination of all. The concepts or words ...
Views: 1065 - A Powerful Concept to Alter Children’s Behavior - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2017 from Gary Direnfeldhere is a Jewish word that doesn’t translate directly into English, but it informs my attitude to people who have undergone hardship and need help. Translated, the word is a hybrid of several concepts, not standing alone on any one, but really the combination of all. The concepts or words ...
Views: 1121 - Affairs Are About Anything But Love - by Submitted on Mar 11, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldAffairs Are About Anything But Love Participants present affairs as arising by chance and based upon love and mutual adoration. The relationship advances from flirtation to infatuation. This can happen quickly or over considerable time. Eventually there is an expectation that the affair advance ...
Views: 1306 - Ah, Newlyweds… then reality sets in. - by Submitted on May 18, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldAh, Newlyweds… then reality sets in. The wedding day is met with much anticipation. Bright eyed, eager, some butterflies, plans in place. So much thought and preparation for a single event. Then the honeymoon and then back to real life. There is often magical thinking that goes into a wedding. ...
Views: 1041 - Alcoholic? Quitting is Only the Beginning - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2009 from Gary DirenfeldPeople who drink to excess, where their drinking causes distress to others, are frequently caught in a web of denial and minimization. These persons are unable to see or unable to admit that their drinking is adversely affecting their own life and that of others. Typically, this person excuses ...
Views: 1656 - Am I Fat? - by Submitted on Jul 11, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldAm I Fat? Most husbands would agree that to hear that question from their wife is akin to being asked to boil oneself in oil. However, what about when a child asks or needs to be informed? As recently reported (July 2006), the American Medical Association and the Center for Disease Control ...
Views: 939 - Assessing and Managing School-Age Children with Behavioral Problems - by Submitted on Jan 12, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldAssessing and Managing School-Age Children with Behavioral Problems Your child is about 7 years old. The teacher reports problems listening in class, sitting still and getting into conflict with peers. First thought always seems to be ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). But what if ...
Views: 1413 - Assessing Change - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldAssessing Change You’ve been for counselling and you are not sure if it is working. Part of you feels nothing has changed and another part feels like something is different. You are probably right on both counts. Most folks when seeking change look for dramatic differences. When results are ...
Views: 862 - Beyond Court there is a World of Better Options to Resolve Parental Conflict. Here’s Four: - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldWhen locked in bitter conflict, sometimes people resort to court. This can result in poor outcomes as the court is more limited in terms of solutions that can be ordered. What is needed is a flexible approach to service and services that are actually structured to address specific issues. ...
Views: 962 - Bless the Coach - by Submitted on Feb 19, 2007 from Gary DirenfeldBless the Coach Be it t-ball, baseball, soccer or hockey, most little league coaches are there for the love of children. For some it’s even more personal. Their kid is on the team. The value of participation by children in little league sports is manifold. Children get to learn the game, ...
Views: 1352 - Can a child choose which parent to live with? - by Submitted on May 18, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldEeny, meeny, miny, moe… Can a child choose which parent to live with? Sometimes parents involve their children in custody, residency and access matters hoping the opinion of the child sways the outcome. At other times, children may seek to initiate a change themselves. The child’s desire may be ...
Views: 2687 - Check Ingredients Before Blending - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2005 from Gary DirenfeldCheck Ingredients Before Blending Blended family is the term used when previously separated parents remarry and combine families. If you are looking at “blending” consider these points to facilitate the children’s adjustment: 1. Have a suitable courtship period. The purpose of courtship is to ...
Views: 945 - Child Behavior: When nothing else works, consider these 7 strategies: - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldParents are saying discipline, consequences, time out and sticker’s don’t work. Parents are presenting as more and more defeated when it comes to managing the behavior of their children. They have a long list of tried that – didn’t work scenarios including many of the more popular parenting ...
Views: 1367 - Child Behaviour Problem at School? Top 6 issues are…. - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldLast year ended in a huff. When school let out, the pressure was off and the behaviour subsided. Some kids don’t fare well at school. Come the new school year, parents worry and wonder, “Will it be different this year?” Maybe the situation will be different: Perhaps maturation over the ...
Views: 1134 - Children and Parents Adjust to Separation - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2005 from Gary DirenfeldChildren and Parents Adjust to Separation You haven’t separated physically yet, but the ink is dry on your parenting plan agreement and you are ready to go your separate ways. Now reality bites! Although many parents don’t talk about it, the final act of separation cuts like a knife, ...
Views: 1146 - Choosing Mr. Right - by Submitted on Feb 19, 2007 from Gary DirenfeldChoosing Mr. Right Some women find it difficult finding Mr. Right. They may be jumping into the relationship too quickly. These strategies may save a lot of disappointment and hurt: Determine if this should even get started: For whatever reason, men of limited virtue seem to have radar for ...
Views: 1051 - Conflict of Libidos - by Submitted on Feb 19, 2007 from Gary DirenfeldConflict of Libidos? Libido refers to sexual drive. Over the course of the human life span, libido can increase or decrease depending upon numerous factors. Those factors can be divided into biological, psychological and social. Of the biological factors, a woman’s menstrual cycle is ...
Views: 1509 - Considering A Parenting Coordinator? - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2008 from Gary DirenfeldSome separated or divorced parents continue to find themselves in ongoing disputes, even in view of separation agreements and parenting plans. The high-conflict nature of those disputes interferes with the well-being of the children and continually brings these parents to Court for ...
Views: 1014 - Counseling? How we begin matters. - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2017 from Gary DirenfeldA parent called seeking counseling for their adult son. The young man had plenty of issues. The issues were long-standing. I explained that given the parent called, I would begin by meeting with both parents first. I advised that by meeting with the parents first, I could obtain a better ...
Views: 1120 - Cross Cultural Marital Conundrums - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2012 from Gary DirenfeldCross Cultural Conundrums His parents just won’t leave us alone. They drop by unexpectedly; his mother rearranges my kitchen cupboards; they get angry if we don’t visit them every weekend. I want to have a life, alone with my husband! Meanwhile; She is so cold and distant that her behaviour ...
Views: 1216 - Cyber Bullying! Here is what it is and how to handle it.... - by Submitted on Oct 29, 2015 from Gary DirenfeldCyber-bullying is the deliberate and systematic harassing or defaming of an individual through derogatory postings and comments on the Internet. In some cases the material posted can be disguised as professional opinion, as the opinion of a group of people or as coming from an organization ...
Views: 1094 - Dealing with a High Conflict Personality? Three goals for survival… - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldDo you have a partner, a colleague, a friend, a loved one where everything is a challenge and every conversation becomes a competition; where if they don’t get their way, there is hell to pay; where they are relentless in their pursuit; where somehow or other they are always right; where if they ...
Views: 1244 - Depression and the Three-Legged Stool - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2017 from Gary DirenfeldNot all depressions are the same and getting it right matters. Broadly speaking, depression can be divided into two types, exogenous and endogenous. This is not to say that any particular depression is necessarily one or the other. There can be factors of both at play and to different ...
Views: 1529 - Domestic Violence And Children - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2008 from Gary DirenfeldYour children are listening and sometimes watching too. It is a myth to think yelling and screaming, pushing, shoving, throwing of objects and hitting between parents does not affect their children. Consider the child’s perspective. Children are wholly dependent upon their parents for safety ...
Views: 958 - Effects of Exposure to Domestic Violence From Childhood to Adult Life - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldOne of the many problems for children exposed to domestic violence, is that for some, it comes to be included amongst their own interpersonal management strategies. Children exposed to domestic violence learn the use of violence as a strategy to mediate their needs and wants. They see the ...
Views: 2457 - Escape Your Dysfuntional Family - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2012 from Gary DirenfeldJump the Pond Every one was raised in a particular pond: Their home, their community. And in that pond, the fish tend to look alike and swim in schools of similar fish. The pond becomes familiar; it is what the person knows. It is the sum of their experience. It is their normal, even if ...
Views: 4883 - Even Counselors have to Survive Persons with Narcissistic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2015 from Gary DirenfeldI read an interesting few lines in an article by William E. Krill, Jr. L.P.C. The article is entitled, The Child Victim of a Narcissistic Personality Disordered Parent. Although he is writing about the experience of children and the non NPD parent, he also writes about counselors working with ...
Views: 1272 - Feeling Hopeless about a Problem Drinker? Consider this: - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2017 from Gary DirenfeldEach year I see many people addicted to alcohol. At times they come to the session smelling of booze while still denying drinking. They play the game, “if you didn’t see me do it, it didn’t happen” as if seeing is the only sense of detection and smelling doesn’t count. I have long since ...
Views: 1674 - Forget Harmony, Settle For Peace - by Submitted on Nov 26, 2007 from Gary DirenfeldForget Harmony, Settle for Peace An oft-common mistake working with high conflict separated parents is to move them towards getting along and working cooperatively for the well-being of their children. It is a lofty and noble goal unfortunately far beyond the grasp of folks who would likely ...
Views: 921 - Four Tips for Managing the Two-Year-Old - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2015 from Gary DirenfeldSo what’s up when a kid reaches age two? Many parents are ready to pull their hair out when their kids reach this age… and it continues for about a year to a year and a half. Parents of younger infants are lulled into a sense of ease when their son or daughter reaches about 6 months. By this ...
Views: 1095 - Getting Kids Out Of The Cross Fire - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2005 from Gary DirenfeldGetting Kids Out Of The Cross Fire Heaven help those children whose separated parents are involved in a litigious parenting dispute. Not only might the children have to contend with possible sub-standard parenting as often alleged in various forms, but many children are also subject to the ...
Views: 864 - Getting Through the 6 Stages of Mediation - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldMediation is not a single event, not a one-time meeting where magically issues are resolved. No. Mediation is a process that occurs with very predictable steps. Understanding these steps to the process can help you manage through the process. Separated parents entering mediation may meet ...
Views: 1205 - Healthy Eating And Kids - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2008 from Gary DirenfeldTeaching kids healthy eating is not a lecture, it is a parental practice through which children observe and learn. Further, although kids may whine and squirm and even outright reject what’s on the plate, parents must come to realize that being held hostage by childish control strategies only ...
Views: 1027 - How Do You Rate Your Separation - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldHow Do You Rate Your Separation When parents separate, they worry about the effect of their separation on the kids. Not only is there data to suggest that adults whose parents separated when they were children are at greater risk of divorce themselves, but also data that suggests the greater ...
Views: 900 - How long does it take to rebuild trust? - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldHow long does it take to rebuild trust? Sometimes it’s couples where one partner has had an affair. Other times it’s between parents and a teen where the teen has stolen, lied or has been doing drugs. The issue is trust and the question is, “How long does it take to rebuild trust when ...
Views: 6514 - Imagine… A Collaborative Approach To Divorce - by Submitted on Jan 22, 2006 from Gary DirenfeldImagine… A Collaborative Approach To Divorce There is a movement in family law whereby divorcing couples can sign agreements with lawyers to not go to court. More specifically, the process is known as Collaborative Family Law (CFL) and the agreement to not go to court is binding upon the ...
Views: 946