Overcoming Negative Judgements

By Linney Elder

What are negative judgements?

Negative judgements are generally based on our personal beliefs and perceptions about a person or situation.

When the judgements are directed at ourselves, it’s those unwanted thoughts that creep in hinting at how unworthy we are, how lacking, making us feel inadequate and even useless. Being able to identify them or admit to them is great, because then we have a chance to challenge the thoughts and figure out why we are thinking them at all.

Why do we judge ourselves or others? Simple…the underlying cause is always connected to a fear of some kind. If what we see in our outer lives is a reflection of our inner life, then what we are seeing in other people is in fact a reflection of something that we need to address in ourselves. The stronger our reaction, the more important it is that we address the issue in ourselves. This is called “shadow work” – understanding our dark side.

I tend to be judgemental when I see people flouting rules, or regulations. Why? Well, partly because I was raised to respect rules and regulations, and people in positions of authority. I view breaking rules, as taking an unnecessary risk and having to deal with the possible consequences.

Based on my own experience you may be told off, ignored, experience the disapproval of someone you respect, you may even be sent away, or lose the love of that person. But this is just my perception.

When another person’s behaviour triggers our own fears, it can cause us to react quite strongly. Then you may end up judging yourself, for judging them!

So, one way to get around being judgemental is to take on the role of OBSERVER… Mentally stand back, view the situation from a detached point of view. Don’t judge, just observe your reaction to what’s happening. Then get in touch with what you are “feeling” – not what you are “thinking”.

Ask yourself a series of questions about why you are feeling this, where does it come from? Is it real, or a long held perception/belief, based on a past memory? Think about a time that you behaved in the same way, what the circumstances were and what happened as a result? How did you feel at the time?

We’ve all done things that have annoyed people at times, like arriving late for a meeting because we had a flat tire, forgetting to return a book that you borrowed just before the chaos of moving house, forgetting to phone a friend as promised because your beloved pet died that day and you were heartbroken. We’ve all unintentionally let people down on occasion as a result of unforeseen circumstances. So, before you judge another, think about a time you did the same thing.

The antidote to negative judgements is unconditional love. If we cultivate an attitude of understanding and unconditional love, our negative judgements will gradually fall away as unnecessary baggage. Learning to love and accept ourselves, and others as a reflection of ourselves, may open doors to wonderful opportunities for soul growth.

Affirmations for overcoming negative judgements

• I AM unconditional love
• I love and approve of myself just as I AM
• I treat people with love and understanding
• I welcome my life’s experiences with love and ease
• All is well in my world
• I accept others just as they are
• My life is unfolding perfectly in every moment