Learn The Art Of Saying No

Are you one of those who want to please everybody and they never say “No” to what they’ve been asked to do by their business partners, colleagues, friends or family members just because they can’t resist to the typical phrase: “Will you do me a favor”?

But have you thought what the results you get for yourself from saying yes to everyone are? And I don’t mean positive results of course! Here are just some examples:

You lose track of what the tasks are that you have to conduct. It comes a time that you have a list full of “obligations” and tasks you must do for other people that you start forgetting all about your “to do” list. And of course, this is the best case! Most of the times, people just pop up to your office asking you for a favour and you are like a vending machine throwing “Ok, no problem” all the time, without even noticing you’re doing so. In this way, you’re work is interrupted all the time and as a result you lose focus and you forget what you wanted to do in the first place.

You feel stressed and overwhelmed. When you realize what kind of bulk you created with a waiting list for favors to be done, you get stressed and you lose confidence in yourself because you realize you have undertaken more than you can handle and you will not be able to finish neither your work nor the favors you collected.

Your fears come true! It’s more than possible, (almost 99,99 % sure) that you will not manage to finish everything on time. This will result in unsatisfied, angry “customers” (because this is the way your colleagues and friends behave when they see that you weren’t able to finish the work they gave you; like customers) ready to ask for their money back (only in this case they haven’t paid you anything) and a disappointed “You” feeling that you betrayed their trust in you but also a “You” in trouble, because you weren’t able to manage your time properly and the deadline for the tasks you needed to finish is over, without you having finished them and your productivity and high performance are kissing you goodbye.

This is the exact time, when you wish you hadn’t said “Yes” to everybody and the situation hadn’t gone so far out of control. So, before you reach this point, here are some tips on how to learn to say “No”, whenever needed, to avoid unpleasant situations, as the ones described above:

If you have a favor request check first the favor’s nature and demands, as well as your schedule, and according to how much free time you have, give the answer you feel comfortable with. If you are busy and you feel you need some time to think about it, ask the requestor to give you some time and you will answer in a short time. In this way, you will have the time to decide without feeling any pressure and you will also be able to finish the job you’re doing at this specific time. Of course, everybody will consider their favour as being so urgent that cannot wait. But in this case, you are a grown-up person to estimate whether this is really an emergency case or not.

Don’t be affected by your need to feel accepted by everybody and get positive comments about what a nice person you are. Nice person isn’t a person who puts other people’s priorities and needs first all the time! It is very important that you also respect yourself and you feel good about who you are, without having the need to “bribe” others by doing them favors to confirm you are a good person. You have to believe in yourself and accept who you are. Accomplishing your own tasks and goals will help you feel fulfilled and balanced and of course, if there is time left you can always volunteer to help other people with any way you can.

Start practicing the “Art Of Saying No”. I know it’s hard to start saying “No”, especially when people are used to you saying always “Yes”. But start practicing and each time you will feel more comfortable saying it when you feel that for some reason you can’t undertake a task for someone else. You don’t have to be rude or abrupt; just say it polite and give a reasonable explanation why you can’t do it. The first times, they will be surprised, but they will get used to it as you start implementing it.

Being able to undertake the tasks you can do for others and reject the ones you can’t, will improve your life and your relationships with other people in the long-run. You will feel more responsible and also confident about the decisions you take and others will feel sure that because of the fact that you only say “Yes” to the tasks you know you can conduct successfully, if you agree to do them a favor, then there are many possibilities that you will finish it successfully.