If he hits you once, he'll hit you twice!!

Twenty-one is the age where teenagers are turning into young adults and most young adults at this age love to go to parties and have a good time. Maybe because they know that they won’t be able to do this for much longer. Well, at least for most people that is. I was one of those people. I lived with my aunt in Guthrie, Oklahoma which is about twenty miles from Oklahoma City. I worked at a convenience store as an assistant manager most of my time, but when I was off I was usually partying with my aunt and my friends having a really good time.
In January of 2006, I met a guy and we dated for a while until one day I found out I was pregnant. This was a complete shock to me. I’m sitting there looking at this little stick and it has two lines, changing my whole entire world in that moment. I literally felt like I was going to faint. I immediately called Lucky (the father) and told him the news. He was drunk at some party somewhere and just asked me, what was he supposed to do about it? At that moment I knew that I was going to be doing this alone, without him.
I cried for days over this, scared out of my mind, wondering how I was going to go through pregnancy and then raising a child all by myself. Nevertheless, I stayed with Lucky and we moved in together in a garage apartment that was so little we could barely move around. The owners had a dog that was chained up right outside our bedroom window and he barked all night long, keeping me awake most of the night. I hated that apartment, but I stayed hoping that Lucky would calm down, stop drinking so much, and realize that he had a kid on the way.
Of course, that didn’t happen. He drank every night, not getting home until three or four in the morning, sometimes not coming home at all. Then one night he came home in a rage and he hit me. I still don’t know why he hit me, but he did. I packed all my stuff the next morning while he was still passed out and went back home.
I had my son November 1, 2006 in Stilwell, Oklahoma. My mother and father were there; even my baby brother and my cousin were there, but no Lucky. I was so ecstatic to finally give birth to my son, but I also felt like something was missing. Lucky was already in jail, not for hitting me but for drunk driving. So I took my son home and I took care of him the best I could. I took him to see Lucky and Lucky’s dad, Robert, a few times, but I never received anything from him. No money, no card or presents on his first birthday, nothing. This bothered me very much. I felt like a little boy needed his daddy, and my son was all boy!
Life was really hard though, with working to try to make ends meet and not meeting them no matter how hard I tried. My mother took care of him during the day while I worked until he got too big for her to carry around. When that happened, I quit my job and went into the daycare business with a friend of mine. I didn’t want my son going to some daycare, where he didn’t know anybody. I found that I enjoyed this very much, so I started going to college majoring in Child Development. This really made life difficult. I felt like I was already over my head working a full time job, plus taking care of a wild boy. Somehow I survived though.
Then something happened. Lucky’s dad got sick with colon cancer right in the middle of the semester. Lucky’s dad was the only one on that side of my sons’ family that was with me through everything. I had been talking to him on the phone every day since the day I had left Lucky. He sent me money when he could to help out. Even though it was never much, it was the thought that counted to me. So I packed up our belongings and we moved to Edmond, so I could help Lucky take care of him.
Lucky quit drinking at this time and started to finally show some interest in his son, so I decided to get back with him and maybe have a real family. Finally, I felt that everything was the way it was supposed to be. I had my son, and he had his father. This went on for a few months and I watched father and son become very close. My son loved Lucky and worshiped the ground he walked on. They became inseparable and I was so happy about it.
Luckily, most of my classes were on the web so I was able to finish that semester and even started taking a class in the summer, but during that summer Lucky started drinking again. I pleaded with him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I even threatened to leave him and almost did a few times, but the look on my son’s face stopped me every time. I didn’t want my son to be away from his father again, as much as he didn’t. Lucky started getting verbally and then physically abusive to me. I read an article by Susan Green and the title states “If he hits you once, he will hit you again.” I strongly believe in this statement.
I told Lucky once that he was like Jekyll and Hyde. He was a good man when he was sober. He was always so loving and attentive. I felt that he actually loved me. When he was drunk, it was a different story. He turned into a jealous, raging monster that I was terrified of. I loved the sober part of him, but hated him when he was drunk.
Everything came crashing down one weekend when my mother came to visit. She was staying at my aunt’s house that was only a few miles away and I wanted to go see her, but Lucky wanted to go to a bar. He talked his dad, which at this time was very sick, to watch our son for us. I finally relented and was going to go with him but I couldn’t find my driver’s license. I looked everywhere until he became irate and slapped me. He stomped out of the house and left in my car. At that point, I was a little relieved that he had left, but I was also afraid for my car, since I knew he would be driving drunk again. I didn’t call the police like I should have. I just sit at home and watched the television with my father in law the rest of the evening.
Lucky never came home that night. I sat up most of the night waiting for him, and trying to call him but to no avail. I finally got a hold of him about seven o’clock the next morning. He had passed out at a friend’s house and I had woke him up. He said he would come home, but by nine o’clock he was still not home, so I called again. He said he was leaving right then, but of course he never showed. Finally, I called my mother and her and my aunt came and got me and my son. We went to my aunt’s house and I visited with them for a while until my mom took me back home that evening.
When I came in the door Lucky was passed out on the couch, so I sat down and started watching television. He woke up about ten minutes later and started yelling for something to eat. I guess I didn’t get up quickly enough for him, because he jumped off the couch and started ranting and raving about how he hated me and how he was going to kill me. He started picking up stuff and throwing it at me, then he stormed out the door to go to his father’s house four doors down from us.
I grabbed my son and headed out the door, but as soon as I started down the stairs he saw me and started chasing me. He caught up to me a few times and hit me until finally he made a mistake. He took my son out of my arms. I knew I could get my son back, and I knew he would never do anything to hurt my son, so I took off running and went to the nearest house and called 911.
Sure enough, he put my son down and ran the opposite direction. They caught up to him eventually and he went to jail for a few weeks and they gave him five years probation, which to me isn’t enough.
I came home again, and again I’m a single mother. I’ve realized that it’s for the best this way. If I would have stayed my son may have grown up to be an alcoholic and an abuser. The Coalition to end Family Violence says that “ boys from homes with domestic violence are four times more likely to abuse in a dating relationship, twenty-five times more likely to commit rape as an adult, six times more likely to commit suicide, have a seventy-four percent greater chance of committing crimes against other, and twenty-four times more likely to commit a sexual assault as an adult, and a thousand times more likely to commit violent acts against an adult partner or their own children.”

That’s one thing that I definitely don’t want to happen. I’ve cut all contact from Lucky out of mine and my son’s life and plan to keep it that way, because no matter how hard it is to raise a child on your own, it’s better than putting him into a painful situation like that again.