How can I improve at accepting my mistakes?

To err is human!

Mistakes happen to all of us. But what is important is that we accept our mistakes, apologize for them, learn some good lessons from them and progress ahead in life. Param Pujya Dadashri, an enlightened being says, “The world has not bound us; we are bound by our own mistakes. Once these mistakes are eliminated, we are free.”

1) A mental resolve that, “I want to see my faults”.

To eliminate any mistake, first of all, we need to recognize the mistake. Unless we are aware of our mistakes, we are bound to repeat them again and again. Shrimad Rajchandra has said: “If I cannot see my mistakes, how will I come out of it?” One of the main reasons why we cannot see our own mistakes is because we are always absorbed in finding faults with others. Param Pujya Dadashri says, “One binds karma by seeing faults in others and becomes free from his karma by seeing his own faults — such is the principle of karma.” So, henceforth, let’s maintain a mental resolve that, “I always want to see my own faults.” This goes a big way in taking the first step towards becoming better at accepting our mistakes.

2) Attitude of gratitude towards those who help find our mistake

An easy way to trace our mistakes is when people point them out to us. Generally, when this happens, out of fear and anger and to save our impression, we refuse to accept our mistakes. And moreover, we harness a grudge against the person who we think is responsible for this. But do you know those who show us our mistakes are doing us a favor to us? Yes! what better can happen than having someone show us our mistakes (that we desperately wanted to get rid of), which otherwise we would have to make an effort to see? So, henceforth if any criticism comes our way, we shall gather the courage to accept it readily and be genuinely grateful and positive towards the person who helped bring our mistake to light. This shall make it fairly easy for us to become straightforward so as to be able to accept our mistakes.

3) Analyze the advantages of accepting our mistakes

If we can develop the ability to accept our mistakes, we can use the mistakes as a guide to order our actions right in the future, so that we can overcome our mistakes. Thus, if we want to progress, it is imperative that we learn to accept our mistakes. Only when we accept our mistakes,

- we realize our shortcomings,
- we can understand the other person,
- we can easily accept the other person’s mistake.

As this right understanding sinks into us, we become better and better at accepting our mistakes

4) Decide whether ‘I want to be happy or I want to be right’

To realize ‘I made a mistake’ is a big thing. And on realizing this, to accept ‘It is my mistake’ is one of the most difficult things as one’s ego, internal anger, false pride, enormous attachment to one’s own self, greed for a good impression, wanting to be always right, etc. do not allow one to accept their mistakes. A sure way to tell if we are being led by these internal enemies is to check how desperate we are to be right. We’ll be surprised to discover how we become willing to even sacrifice our happiness and also the peace and happiness of our loved ones, just so that we can satisfy our ego by being right. Incredible, isn’t it? Param Pujya Dadashri says, “To protect one’s statement, to impress upon others that ‘my statement is correct’ is a form of violence itself.” Now, to become better at accepting our mistakes, it is necessary to emerge from the deep attachment to ourselves. But how? The next point will help us know that.

5) Attain Self-Realization

Param Pujya Dadashri says, “The ignorance of our real Self is the biggest mistake of all. Only later, comes the mistake of one’s belief that ‘I am correct; I am not at fault.’” Our idea of Self is mistaken. And believing it to be our true identity, we remain preoccupied with our wants and fears and confine ourselves within the narrow prison of the self. Self-Realization liberates us from this mistaken idea of Self. Until then, we are bound to remain trapped in egoism. Once we meet Gnani Purush, the Enlightened One, He destroys this mistake of ours by placing a line of demarcation between our real Self and the worldly self that we mistakenly identify with. Gnani awakens the Observer (Soul, our real Self) within, as a result of which, our mistakes become evident to us, and we can see them separate from us. Then, they naturally begin to leave!

6) Accepting and Apologizing for our mistake

To expedite the process of destroying our mistakes, it is important that every time we make mistakes, we accept our mistakes and also do pratikraman. Pratikraman means:

- Apology,
- coupled with repentance for the wrongdoing, and
- a vow not to repeat the mistake, the next time.

If we are unable to accept the mistake before the person whom we offended, we can go to someone we highly respect eg. our Guru or our mentor, and say, “I made such and such mistake. I am sorry I did so. In the future, I’ll be careful not to repeat it.” When we apologize for our mistakes, we overrule our ego and intellect and become a better human being. Our biggest shortcoming does not lie in any of our mistakes, as much as it is in not accepting our mistakes. By seeking forgiveness, we forsake our rigidity or stubbornness and establish harmony in our relationships. And when we succeed in not repeating the mistake, it in turn inspires others too to rise over their shortcomings.

7) Never Protecting Our Mistakes

If ever we know we made a mistake, we do not want to defend or protect our mistakes as it would only lead to the extension of that mistake. Rather, we want to learn to accept our mistakes and try not to repeat them the next time. Our intellect, like an attorney, will argue in defense of our ego. But if we remain steadfast and acknowledge and accept our mistake, it means we are not in support of that mistake and hence the mistake will have to leave. Mistakes survive because we support them by protecting them, and they are forced to go away if we do not side with them. Therefore, whenever we realize that we’ve acted in a wrong way, we shall straightaway accept the mistake without trying to justify or conceal it. Instead of concealing our mistake, we’ll admit it openly and try our best not to repeat it.

8) Harnessing an intention to never cause harm to any living being

Until we become better at accepting our mistakes, we at the least want to make sure that we exercise great care so as not to harm any living being through mistakes made through our thoughts, our words, or our actions. For this, every morning, we shall pray to God, saying the following prayer five times, “Oh God! Please grant me strength to not cause the slightest hurt or harm to any living being through my mind, speech or body.” This will gradually groom us over time to become better at accepting our mistakes.

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