Distractions

Daily life is tough. We are continuously distracted from our intentions and find it difficult to be our authentic self. Parents make plans for the next day and find their children upset them by breakfast time. Children are needy individuals and loving parents want to provide those needs. Increasingly, however, both parents must work to provide the base necessities. Working mothers, especially, are torn between wanting to excel in their jobs and wanting to be the best mom . . . a role model, nurturer, proper disciplinarian, and the one who is available and able to solve problems. Many moms find themselves changing their persona several times a day, until they no longer remember who they used to be. They must, of out of necessity, be a mother first and then their individual selves.

Once children enter the lives of a husband and wife or partnership, their personal relationship changes. They can no longer be selfish. They can no longer focus only on each other or on getting the same things they had before. They must expend more effort to ensure the needs of their children, who are helpless individuals whose every necessity can only be met by others. While men tend to define themselves by their career, they must change their concept of themselves and add the description of this new role to their self-portrayal. For many, this is a monumental task and find it too difficult. They remain self-centered and when the home dynamics no longer accommodate them, they leave.

Mothers may find it equally difficult, but out of guilt or love, struggle to change, sometimes feeling like a chameleon in the process. They forget who they used to be and modify their responses to fit the occasion. Some resent not being able to put themselves first. Some completely subjugate their personal needs and feel themselves drowning under the pressure to please the growing inner circle of dependants. Tempers flare. Chaos ensures. And too many times, they perpetuate their own harsh childhood experiences, including both physical and verbal abuse.

Parents aren’t the only ones who struggle against the distractions of daily life. Everyone does to one degree or another. Our creativity seems to diminish and we move into a survival mode. We pack up the talents and special abilities that once defined us and place them on a shelf until sometime in the future. The persistent pressures and stress that come from outside factors have a profound affect on the quality of our lives and relationships. Increasing job responsibilities, increasing debts, increasing changes in our economic, social and physical environments can create accumulative problems. Defeatists think their current distractions will last forever and give up any thought of making positive modifications that will allow them to make better choices. It take concerted effort to understand that we have the ability to be more than one person . . . an independent individual with personal interests, a caring and supportive spouse, a helpful and respectful son or daughter, and a hardworking, dependable employee.