Dear Dr. Romance: He can't forgive me

Dear Dr. Romance :

I am a 20 year old college student. I have been going out with a man for almost 2 years, I feel he is the one I want to marry but now we are having problems and I don't know how we are going  to stay together. I made the mistake of telling him about my past romantic history and he can't forgive me for it. I also feel he does not respect me. Please tell me what I can do about this.

Dear Reader:

In a lifetime together, you and your partner will have to know how to forgive each other many times over. This is a chance for you and your guy to figure out if you have what it takes to make it in a real relationship Tell him you're sorry he's hurt, and ask him if there's anything you can do to fix it. If he tells you something that makes sense, for example, to go to counseling together, do it. You can get free counseling at school, or at your church. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a good, affordable counselor.  "Relating With Love", "Handling The Green-Eyed Monster" and  "Apology and Forgiveness" are articles you can share with your guy to help you resolve the issues.

If he won't tell you a reasonable way you can resolve the problem, then tell him you can't be in a relationship with someone who can't love you enough to forgive what you did in the past, before you knew him. Then, let him go. Don't make any attempts to fix things or contact him -- let him stew in his own juices without you, until he figures out how important you are to him. If he loves you, he'll re-think things and come to you with some sort of solution to the problem.

If you're NOT that important to him, then you'll just have to move on -- he doesn't really love you anyway, and you need to grieve and find someone else.  It wouldn't hurt you to get counseling for yourself right now. You sound as if you have trouble standing up for yourself in relationships,  "Your Primary Relationship" will help you fix that.  

Good luck, I hope this works out well for you. Keep in mind that every relationship problem is an opportunity to learn something that will make your relationships better. 

Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will help both of you understand each other, and give you ways to talk about issues that come up throughout your relationship.

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com