Coping with the Loss of a Sibling

Are you suffering and not coping well after losing a sibling? If you are, I know what you are going through and I am here to help you. In 1981 my brother was killed in a car accident. It was my first week of college and I came home for Labor Day Weekend. My parents were going out to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law and his parents. They were telling the parents that they were going to have a baby; the first grandchild on each side of the family. My brother was going out to listen to a band that evening and my boyfriend was going to come over to visit. The evening went on; my boyfriend went home, my parents told us my sister was going to have a baby, and we anxiously waited for my brother, Gary, to come home; but, he never did.

My parents received a phone call in the early morning hours to come to the hospital. Gary was killed instantly in a car accident. It was the most horrible experience of my life. However, it was definitely a learning experience. My brother and I were very close. I missed him dearly and it was very difficult to deal with; however, I did accept his death and I grieved and coped with it. I eventually learned how to really deal with it and to move on with my life, in a bigger and better way.

I finally realized that my brother would not want me to die along with him. He always told me I would be okay no matter what. I had to live up to that. I realized all the wonderful things I had learned from this amazing man. He had taught me to be the person I am today; both in life and in death. I learned so many things from him and I had to continue becoming the person I was meant to be by what I had learned from him. They say that if you can learn something every time you have a loss in your life, you will become more of the person you are meant to be. This is so true. I have done this in my life. You need to ask yourself, "What can I learn from this person or this situation?" Then, you need to grow from it. Allow yourself time to grieve and to cry. You are allowed to do this. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to do this. Crying is very healing. However, if your loss has been a long time, such as years, and you still are not moving on with your life, you need to accept it and move forward. If you are unable to, go seek out professional help. There comes a time where you need to cope and start living again. There is nothing wrong with seeking out help!

If you have had a loss of a sibling, I encourage you to do 3 things:

1. Accept the loss. Find some positive in the situation. For me, it was that my brother was where he wanted to be...with his girlfriend who had died of cystic fibrosis. That allowed me to know he really was where he wanted to be and happy, making it easier for me to accept.

2. Allow yourself to grieve. This is so important to your healing process. Crying is very healing. Talking about your feelings and loss if very important to the healing process, as well.

3. Ask yourself, "What have I learned from my sibling (or any loss) and how can I grow from this to become more of the person I am meant to be?"

If you start by following these three steps, it will help you move forward after your loss. If you absolutely cannot move on and talking with family members, friends or a religious leader is of no help, please seek out help. You can live the life you deserve; the life of your dreams. You need to allow yourself this gift!