The Power Of Encouraging Words

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
-Mother Theresa

Words can be deadly weapons or protective layers of love. They can bruise and batter a person, no matter how old, in the heart and spirit just like physical blows can cause damage to the outside of the body.

Because these bruises to the spirit are not readily apparent, many think that they are forgotten easily. However, while a verbal assault may end temporarily, the emotional damage is carried in the heart and confidence of a child forever. The opposite is also true; Compliments, encouragement and praise can shape lives and futures for the better. A kind word and a pat on the back works wonders and fills the emotional bank account with confidence and a desire to keep trying.

Input- Negative or Positive Words

The four things that matter in a communication are:

• What is said
• How it is said
• Who is saying it
• Why it is said

If a parent tells a child in a sarcastic tone, “You are so clumsy, what a klutz,” the child will incorporate that information into a belief about the kind of person he is and will become. Even if the parent feels the comment is meant to help prevent accidents or provide direction, the child senses from the facial expression and demeaning tone that correcting behavior is a judgment on his character. He will repeat and reinforce those words over and over again in his mind, every time he accidentally drops a paper or trips over a rug. He will begin to define himself by the words and even tell others that he is clumsy and a klutz.

As an adult, he will become self-limiting in taking chances for fear he will screw up or drop an important part of the project. He has actually become dis “couraged” and lacks the courage to try. He is afraid to take a risk and prove his parent right. The words that were spoken to him took away his courage to proceed.

On the other hand, as an adult he has the ability to look at the words and descriptions running through his mind and decide which of them are actually appropriate and which are not true now, or never were true. Perhaps that belief system needs to be replaced or reframed.

EnCOURAGEment or Discouragement of Ourselves

How do you typically define yourself? Do you tell yourself and others that you are disorganized, financially challenged or not good enough? Why not make a list of the positive and negative ways you describe yourself. Are they accurate or just a point of view? Look over your list of words and phrases and really think about how those definitions limit your ability to accomplish all that you deserve in life.

If your list includes disorganized, then think about how to make that a positive and tell yourself, “It may appear to others that I am disorganized, but I realize that I have the ability to multi-task.”

If your list includes the example mentioned above of being clumsy, then examine it as a rational mature adult and reframe it by saying, “Yes, it was clumsy to spill the milk when I was 10 years old, but it was an accident and it is time to forgive myself for knocking the glass over and my father for yelling at me.

It is past time to move on and change my frame of reference. I am not clumsy now, if I ever was. I know how to put the milk away without spilling it. And besides, it is only milk and costs less than a dollar and is not worth the importance I have given it in my mind. I know now and accept that accidents happen to every one.”

Give a Gift of Courage

EnCOURAGing words are like a gift of bravery, daring and valor giving you permission to take risks and to keep on trying. While it is important to give words of enCOURAGEment to others, it is vital to give them to yourself. You are the master of your belief system and it is up to you to stop along the journey of life occasionally to give yourself a pat on the back. It is time to recognize that old tapes and negative thoughts in your head are no longer serving you.

Give yourself and others the beautiful gift of enCOURAGEment. Express those kind words and “atta-boys” many times a day. Stop being so critical and expecting perfection. We are all incredible human beings with much to accomplish and enjoy in life so let’s move forward in joy.

You can do it. I believe in you.