CONFIDENCE IS COOL

REMEMBER THE TIME you could not think of anything to say to the person sitting across from in that little caf? or across the conference table. You stammered when they looked your way. They smiled at you, but still, there was no way to reach out ¡¦ and you lost yet another chance to make a good contact.

REMEMBER THAT PARTY, when you were standing off to one side by yourself, and the other people were stealing brief glances at you. Still you couldn¡¯t think of the right things to say.

REMEMBER LEAVING THAT MEETING, just ahead of you was the person you really wanted to meet and get to know. You could not quite summon up the courage to approach. They walked away into the night and out of your life.

BY FAR THE MOST TERRIFYING BARRIER to developing relationships with strangers is learning to talk to them. Making first contact is fearful is sometimes fearful. Even thinking of approaching a new person makes you break out in a cold sweat.

YOU CAN¡¯T GET THERE FROM HERE? How did things get like this you wonder? It¡¯s because family and peer groups ripped from you at an early age the innocent social adeptness of the young. The bullying and being ¡°cut down to size¡± that passes for socialization scarred your psyche. The fearful result is that you are not just shy, but gun shy. But, all that can change. It can be accomplished.

CAN THIS ALL BE CHANGED YOU ASK? The answer is-absolutely yes. Because the need to grow is instinctive in the human spirit. Additionally, self-improvement is proven to be not only confidence building, but therapeutic. In fact, failure to do so creates distress and forms of neuroses.

What radical transformation, then, would it take to reshape a shy person into an extroverted, socially adept one? Where can you learn to meet and greet any and all encounters skillfully and with confidence?

First realize that advanced language skills are but subtle elaboration¡¯s or enhancement of what we already know an do, yet of a somewhat higher order. Additional examples include listening, picking up on nonverbal cues, and having a sense of the other individual¡¯s personal space. Finally, the high-arts, being able to start a conversation with a total stranger, knowing when to wait and when to act.

IT IS OUR NATURE as human beings to seek affiliation, to make friends. But sometimes it can be hard for a person to reach out and create conversation. Most people want to like, want to love, want to connect, but they are afraid. Things get in the way of their innate desire; things like FEAR OF REJECTION or uncertain about WHAT TO SAY FIRST.

The start of a great relationships starts with ¡°a great opening line.¡± It knowing what to say first and how to sustain the conversation that gets attention and BUILDS CONFIDENCE.

TRUE AND LASTING PERSONAL CONFIDENCE flows from the knowledge and certainty that you will function skillfully and convincingly while at ease, in all social or business encounters. What helps shapes your fate is your ability to stand your ground in any confrontation. The knowledge that you will always prevail.

Self-confidence will also grow as you depend less on fortuitous happenstance, on wishing and hoping - but as a consequence of clarity of purpose. You will become a stronger person as you see yourself acquiring and applying new language skills.

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We at Fearless Publications offer these concepts, ideas and suggestions for your personal advancement as part of our newsletter service.

They are excerpts from our publications WINNING WORDS WINNING WAYS. They are some of the ¡°ways¡± that help move you toward the success your desire. To learn more about the WORDS and the WAYS found in our publication, go to our web site and click on the Winning Ways option.