Judgments

It’s funny how most of us assign a value to almost everything. We ask, “How was your day?”, “How did you sleep?”, “How is your job?”, “Did you have fun last night?”, “How is your relationship?”, “How are you doing?” All of these questions are designed to make the person being asked assign a value to an event or themselves. I have found that when I label something as “good” or “great”, or some positive label, I feel good. However, when I label something as “bad” or “horrible”, I then feel that way as well. So why judge? Why label? Why can’t we just let things unravel as they will. Let them evolve as they will. Allow events, situations, feelings, to be just what they are. No labels. No judgments. Nothing but just acknowledgment for what they are. This is a difficult thing to do, I will be the first to say it. I grew up in a household where everything was judged.

So as a result I judge everything I do, feel, say, and participate in. I might be in a very good mood, but my mind can all of a sudden start judging what I am doing, telling myself I am not living up to my full potential, and before you know it I am depressed, sad, and frustrated. It is amazing. So I have started asking myself, “What would my life look like if I didn’t judge everything and everyone?” It is almost difficult to imagine.

However, what I do imagine is that I would be more at peace with others and myself. I would take more risks and confront more challenges, because I wouldn’t have to worry about failing, because there would really be no such thing as failure. There would be just whatever happens, happens. I would be more forgiving, more appreciative, and more respectful. I would honor my true inner calling, instead of holding it up to a measuring stick and saying whether or not it is a good or bad idea. (The so-called measuring stick is not even mine, it was actually created by someone else many years ago, but I still find myself judging my accomplishments by their standards.

So I would be able to do away with the measuring stick all together.) I would be more understanding and compassionate to those who are different, and to those who see the world differently then I do. I would also be more willing to hear their points of view, instead of trying to force mine upon others constantly. The biggest shift for me though would be that I could really experience life. Moment to moment. I wouldn’t be dreading things or feeling anxious about things. I would be open to each moment, accepting it for what it is in that moment, and learning from my experiences what I can learn. This is what I call living deliberately.

There is a story that I heard in a workshop I am taking about mindfulness based stress reduction. The shortened version of the story is that when events, situations, people, or feelings happen to us, and we have a tendency to label them as good or bad, sometimes what we might believe to be “good”, turns out less positive then what we believe to be “bad”. The old man in the stories favorite saying was “good news, bad news, who knows”. I have begun to say that to myself when ever anything happens to me, just to remind myself to stop judgment, and to stay in the moment and acknowledge it for what it is. This is a difficult thing to do. But the more I do it, the more I find that I am enjoying the moment and living life deliberately, because I am accepting whatever that moment has to bring.

Try this in your own life. Next time something happens, or you perceive a situation to be good or bad, say to yourself, “Good news, bad news, who knows”, and be open to all the possibilities it has to bring. It is like in the movie “Cast Away”, when Tom Hanks at the end says, “Because tomorrow the sun will rise. And who knows what the tide will bring.” That is the truth. Who knows what the tide will bring, it could be good news, bad news... who knows.