Building Resilience

One of the most important things we can have is resilience. It means being able to bounce back after failures, setbacks and losses. We all face problems, and how we deal with them makes a profound impact on the remainder of our life. Here are the attributes of a resilient person, according to Dr. Tian Dayton.

1. They are able to self-reflect--that is, they look at their own thinking, feeling and behavior and have enough emotional distance from their self-identification so that they seem themselves realistically.

2. They take their own good advice and live by it rather than spending valuable time and energy digging trenches, then sitting in and defending them.

3. They identify what they are feeling and articulate it to themselves and others, which gives them the ability to face the pain of loss.

4. They identify their issues and live with a realistic rather than an idealized view of themselves, and when life hurts they are able to own their issues and work with them.

5. They cope with loss by calling it by its correct name, and move through the emotional turmoil of a grieving process.

6. They separate the past from the present, which allows them to live in today without sabotaging it with unresolved, unfinished business from the past.

7. They find meaning and purpose in their struggle, which is how spiritual tranformation and growth take place.

8. They use life struggles not only to get through hut to grow, hus deepening and strngthening their relationship with life and self and others.

Most of these are emotional intelligence competencies which we can learn and increase over our entire lifespan. Taking an emotional intelligence assessment, such as the EQ-Map, can show you where your strengths and weaknesses are, and working with a coach can help you operationalize these concepts and develop them to your advantage. Resilience is how you bounce back eventually, not immediately. It takes time and work. Think of resilience as a muscle that you can strengthen.