Moving past that "stuck" feeling

Have you ever felt so stuck; it seemed that you were never going to become unstuck? Did you ever feel that way, and then you made your way to freedom just to end up right back to the place of deep stuck-ness; where there seems to be no options, no ideas and/or hope for actually moving forward. I know that place, and I find it particularly dark and gross. It’s a place where I’ve often lost sight of any hope of change, which I know makes it harder to get past. I’ve been there many times, and I will be there many times again, I’m sure. I just how hope to minimize my time there. So how can we get past it?

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Recognize & acknowledge

The first step in changing anything is to recognize & acknowledge it. I hear the words of Dr. Phil. It’s so simple, yet so true. Recognize & acknowledge allows for the attention to be brought to the situation. Without our conscious attention, the situation cannot change. For me, I’ve learned that if I actually don’t acknowledge where I am, I get angry and bitter, and I fall into despair. The longer I refuse to acknowledge my stuck-ness, the longer I stay there. That’s the place, at least for me, that the old familiar stories come to life and become truth. As soon as I recognize it, I start to change my perspective on the stuck-ness, and it starts to change. At least for me, getting out of stuck-ness has never been impossible! After all, I’m here now.

What is being stuck doing for you?

In Theta Healing, I often ask this question. The answer is usually – “I don’t know!” whenever I see the answer, I see the person’s eyes open wide – “There is nothing”. But what if there was? In the Erickson coaching model that I learned, there is a core principle that there is a positive intention behind every action. What is that intention for being stuck?

For me, being stuck is a real motivator to move forward. What if you didn’t have your stuck-ness, how would actually move forward? What steps would you take? I had to acknowledge other ways of moving forward before I could actually let go of the stuck-ness.

What can you do to get unstuck?

“But I I don’t control this,” I hear. Really, you don’t control it? But what if you did? It’s true that you may not control all of the external factors, but you do control your choices in it, and most certainly your reactions and emotions. Say that you were in a relationship that ended. You are sad, and think you will always be alone. You can’t force your partner to come back to you, but you can decide to live your life anyways and believe that you will not always be alone. If you still think you can’t have any control; ask yourself “WHY you give your power away!” What would happen if you took it back? If you already know that you have control; what steps are going to take to affirm that control?

Are you clear on what you want?

In Theta, and coaching, we use meditation and other tools to clarify what it is that a client actually wants. The best is to get actually specific about everything. If you can’t imagine it, then it makes it hard for “IT” to happen in just the way that you want. Personally, I compare this to the ever after syndrome. I meet “the one”, fall in love and then and then live happily ever. I want the first part (what girl doesn’t), but I can’t imagine the happily ever after. So I stay stuck in my “singleness” in this case because I’m not willing to dream of a life with a partner that would actually work for me. So dream – be specific – it’s important. And dream of everything you want. Don’t cut yourself short.

Change your thoughts

If you are stuck, change your thoughts. Give yourself an affirmation – “My life is filled with joy. I can make choices, etc. I am me, and I like me.” I’ve been doing this with the drama queen since august. A couple of weeks ago, I was walking downtown Montreal feeling the “drama” coming on. I’m telling my thoughts to go away – I thanked them for doing the job that they had come to do, but that I could handle things now. It helped actually. I actually told myself some affirmations to change my thought.

If you are stuck; get clear on what you want; acknowledge it; get clear on why you are stuck; and finally take your power power back and move forward. That's true even if it's just one tiny little step!